Abercrombie, MI (GlossyNews) — Breaking News: A Christian militia, made up entirely of horses, was arrested today for planning a stampede through the middle of Main Street, USA on July 4th.
The leader of the herd, known only as Star, a wild Mustang from Utah, has confessed his organization was intent on creating anarchy by going to a series of 4th of July parades around the U.S and causing a few flighty horses to break. Then, the group of militant mustangs would follow through with a general equine panic culminating in chaos throughout the country causing widespread property damage.
The alleged co-conspirators and their ages are Duke 5, Bandit 7, Doc 9, Ollie 12, and Red 8. All those arrested could face punishments ranging from 15 years to life in a maximum security pen surrounded by electrical fencing.
A family member of one of the conspirators, an old nag named Lucy, visibly upset and attempting to talk through a series of whinnies and sonic boom-like farts, managed to make a statement, “Heeee’ss na na na naught wha wha wha you th th think. We we we wa wa just t-t-t-t-tired of th the the govern ment grindin us up for the ggaallluue an an an all the the dderned bl blaaack peeples an”….
Whatever
End of Story.