The Alamo, El Paso, TX The state of Texas today seceded from the United States and joined with Mexico, a nation it had once fought for independence from at the Alamo. Governor Rick Perry, disgruntled with the economic politics of President Obama and dreaming of the wonderful economic policies employed by his predecessor Bush, a former Texas Governor, carried out his threat to rent the nation by severing its second largest state away. “When Bush was President and we needed money” he commented, “we would just start a war, and poof, the economy would go gangbusters!”
Roadblocks were immediately set up on both sides of the Texas borders to keep Texans from getting into neighboring states. “They’re Mexes now as far as I’m concerned!”stated John Whiteguy, a rancher in Oklahoma. “If they come over here, they’re illegal aliens and I got the right to shoot ’em!” he said, brandishing a shotgun in his raised hand.
Seeing a great opportunity, Mexican drug cartels immediately raced across Texas taking over farms and converting them to drug growing fields. Texas Rangers were rounded up and shipped south to help fight the entrenched war going on in the ex-border towns. The Mexican government swiftly took control of all oil fields and nationalized them into the monopolistic governmental oil company Penex. Many Texans tried to flee the ensuing violence and disorder by crossing the border to New Mexico and Arkansas, only to be captured by INS agents and returned. NAFDA is checking into building cheap labor factories there.
Work has quickly begun to build a 20 foot high concrete fence around Texas to prevent illegal immigrants getting into the US. Many states are passing laws that would make Texans presently living within their states illegal aliens and requiring them to either return home or take a citizenship course to become proper Americans. Immigrant rights groups have embraced the new outsiders while Texans in now ‘foreign’ states have taken to the streets in protest marches only to be met by police and National Guard troops who have conducted mass arrests. “They should just go back where they came from!” said Mr. Henry Boozebottom, a Louisiana farmer who has had countless poor Texans coming to his door begging for work. “Texans always were foreigners as far as I am concerned.”
Anti-Texan slogans are becoming popular- ‘If We Ain’t Good Enough Fer Ye, Then Don’t Come Visit!’, ‘ You can now call Texas ‘Mexas”, and ‘Even the armadillos don’t want to live there any more.’.
The former state has also become the butt of a lot of newly created jokes:
“What is the difference between a Mexican wetback and a Texan one?”- “The Texan expects a coffee break and to get Social Security some day.”
“How do you tell a Mexican sneaking over the border from a Texan?” – “The Texan will speak English, poop in a toilet, get sunburned if you leave him out in the sun and use a credit card.”
Meanwhile, California is proud to now be the second largest state in the country by default, giving them one more thing to be snooty about.
When pressed for a comment, Governor Rick Perry said “Well, at least we are away from Obama.” short minutes before he was overthrown in a coup d’etat by the Mexican military.