Washington, D.C. – Just when you thought the United States was safe again following the announcement that Sony Pictures had pulled the controversial movie, The Interview, from theatres, a new threat arrived from North Korean Leader, Kim Jong-un, early Friday morning.
In a short memo to President Obama, Kim Jong-un stated he was pleased the movie will not play in theatres, but was morbidly infuriated to learn that his favorite restaurant chain, the Olive Garden, is extinct and is no longer serving the fresh-baked breadsticks he enjoyed during his last visit.
“As Americans, all we can do is hope and pray that scientists can clone a fossilized breadstick in an effort to please Jong,” said President Obama, while carefully studying a Wikipedia page on how to make a noose out of the item that was once served complimentary with the purchase of any entrée or as part of the soup and salad lunch option.
“All I know is that our lives depend on it,” added President Obama.
The Interview, starring James Franco and Seth Rogen is a film in which a celebrity journalist (Franco) and his producer (Rogen) secure an interview with North Korea leader, Kim Jong-un, and are instructed by the CIA to assassinate him. The film received negative feedback from North Korea since its release was first announced earlier this year. However, it wasn’t until cybread hackers threatened retaliation that Sony Pictures finally emptied the basket.
Kim Jong-un has given the United States until January 8th, the day of his 32nd birthday and next planned visit, to resurrect the Olive Garden and their refillable breadstick baskets.