The day after winning a vital mid-term election that would give them a much stronger control of the U.S. Government, the Republican Party has apparently experienced an epiphany on the majesty of that which affected Saul on his Biblical quest to persecute the Jews.
Only in the example of the Republicans it will prevent them from smiting the Democrats.
Republicans have been almost unanimous in quoting that a Divine inspiration has descended upon them. Apparently this heavenly apparition was bestowed upon their golden leader, John Boehner.
Mr. Boehner, his eyes glowing with enlightened envisionment, has come forth upon his Republican brethren much like Moses descending Mount Sinai, and he delivered unto to them the vision that was presented to him.
“My fellow conservatives, the Lord has issued unto me that we shall now strive to work together with Brother Obama to set forth things within this land that will cause it to grow and to thrive!” Mr. Boehner then held his hands out palms outward much the same way that Jesus must have when addressing his disciples.
The Republicans assembled there clapped as was expected of them, but strangely seemingly without any real verve to it. But, being Christian and largely sheep-like, many segments of the rightist masses eventually accepted it.
Only the harder core extremists, NRA enthusiasts, closet KKK leaders, people who stood to lose a lot of hidden money and Honey Boo-Boo enthusiasts stayed firmly anti-Obama everything.
Oddly, the Democrats have been praying relentlessly for just such a revelation to be bestowed upon someone, ANYONE, within the Republican Party, yet for four years this prayer went unanswered. They especially started praying harder once they realized their hopes for the mid-term elections were going to tank.
This sudden descendance of the Holy Spirit upon the leader of the Republican Party came interestingly at the time when the rightist had gained control over both the House and the Senate.
Strangely this revelation never came to them at any time sooner during the six years that they spent voting against almost every policy and effort Obama made or effort that he put forth to get things rolling in the country, literally kneecapping him at every turn. The Republicans claim this odd timing of the blessing is just another sign that they are God’s Chosen Party.
But, many are happy that the alleged ‘Party Of God’ at last has a real religious experience to prove their worth. Of course, it brings to mind a couple other popular Christian sayings- “By their actions ye shall know them.” and “Beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing.”
One staunch Conservative not affected by the Epiphany is Ann Coulter who is livid over the change of heart. “What is wrong with you ***holes?” she shrieked at her colleagues.
“We have the liberals where we want them now at the receiving end of our bayonets. You want to go all soft and Jesus like on them? No way! Now at last we have the chance to murder their leaders and convert them to our way of thinking.”
God Himself was not available for an interview on the subject