King William (Clinton) the 1st, of America

    Washington, D.C. – July 4, 2040

– The National Mall is jammed with hundreds of thousands of spectators waiting expectantly for William Jefferson Clinton, Jr. to appear.

The 25-year-old son of former President Chelsea Clinton will soon be crowned William I, America’s first constitutional monarch.

The country has traveled a long and difficult road to finally reach this regal accommodation, a settling of the decades-long battle between the country’s two most powerful dynasties: the Bushes and the Clintons.

Not since the Hatfields and the McCoys has the nation been so torn between competing factions.

But finally this glorious day has come and the United States can embark on its new monarchical journey. It is the beginning of American royalty and hopefully the dawning of a new era of political cooperation.

It seems like ages ago that the nation was mired in its own War of the Roses between two bitterly opposed families seeking ultimate power. The Bushes of Kennebunkport ruled the land for four years beginning in1988in the person of George H. W. Bush. But the Clintons of Hope supplanted his rule for eight years only to be replaced by Bush’s elder son George W. who in turn held power for eight years.

The battle continued and in 2008 it looked like the Clinton family would again reign supreme thanks to William’s wife Hillary but her march to power was abruptly halted by the interloper Barack of Obama. The eight long years of darkness ended in 2016 with Hillary claiming the political crown that should rightly have been hers.

But her reign was short, a mere four years before she was defeated in 2020 by the second Bush son, Jeb of Florida. Aided by Karl of Rove, Jeb was able to cast Hillary aside with slander and intimations of scandal.

It was when William and Hillary’s daughter Chelsea defeated Jeb in 2028 that the families began to realize that something had to be done to halt the senseless loss of money and political power that had repeatedly resulted from the never-ending fighting and squabbling between the Bushes and the Clintons.

Little was accomplished at first since President Chelsea did not wish to yield power and was a lock for reelection in 2032. But when Jeb’s Hispanic son George P. of Miami narrowly defeated William’s nephew Tyler of Redondo Beach in 2036, the families realized that the only way to end the country’s seemingly interminable War of the Thorns was to join forces by marriage.

Thus it came to pass that William Jefferson Clinton, Jr. married Mila Bush Hager, daughter of Jenna. The principals then set aside their political differences and joined forces to ram through a Constitutional amendment providing for the country’s first monarch.

The nation has finally achieved its original destiny, a constitutional monarchy ruled by a family joined together by greed, ambition and power. George Washington reportedly turned down the chance to become that first monarch but ever since it has seemed inevitable that America would finally see the light and anoint its first king.

And now we see King William I together with Queen Mila appearing on the Capitol steps greeting their subjects. It is the promise of a new era in American history or at least a new tourist attraction for Washington and the nation. The presidency is dead; long live the king!

Author: Dave Martin

Dave Martin's humor and political satire have appeared in many major North American newspapers including The N. Y. Times, The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune. His latest humor collection is entitled "Screams & Whispers" available on and he blogs at