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Pol. Candidate Shocks Press with Actual Answer

Pol. Candidate Shocks Press with Actual Answer

America’s politics have just become more divisive after a candidate’s response to a question at his election press conference.

Mike Uno, 43, who is running for the Republican nomination in Virginia’s gubernatorial election this year, is at the center of the controversy. When Central Central News reporter Candy Bash asked him why he has not yet married, Uno responded “Because I’m smarter than your ex-husband.”

Bash was quick to counteract by calling Uno “despicable,” but the Virginian fired back, saying she “makes celibacy desirable” and “should invest in a wardrobe of burqas.”

CCN cameramen did attempt to cut the live broadcast, but a transmission failure prevented successful cutoff to the satellite, allowing Uno’s words to enter living rooms across the nation.

Reactions so far have been mixed. While many Democrats and Republicans have called on Uno to apologize, figures such as Congressman Jim Moran (D-Alexandria) and former Senator Bob Packwood (R-Oregon) are offering their support.

Despite its recent election of a board comprised predominantly of women, the Organization for Total Own Appreciation (OTOA) also conceded that Uno deserves recognition. In the words of an official statement, “While it pains us to admit this, Uno pretty much buttslammed Bash. That’s one badass total own.”

Polls show Uno has both gained and lost support in various demographics since the press conference. He currently leads Silvio Berlusconi 49-47 percent in a hypothetical matchup for the Virginia Governorship.


This post was written by

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Washington, D.C. native stuck in the Alps. I use a typewriter and then copy and paste to my computer doesn't work so well.


One Response to “Pol. Candidate Shocks Press with Actual Answer”

  1. Brian White says:

    Oh satire. This is so obviously a farce. Clearly no politician will ever give a straight answer. Once they do they'll be first laughed out of office, then voted out of office. That's the real tragedy with out system.


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