WASHINGTON DC- Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney sort of apologized to the president this week after the crushing debate performance he delivered, though it remains unclear as to whether Governor Romney actually knows what an apology is.
Although the political arena doesn’t mandate such an apology, Romney’s religious upbringing got the better of him as he humbly “apologized” for the thorough lashing he gave the president.
“Mitt has had a lot of practice with apologizing and knowing what an apology actuallt is, recently,” explained Matt Rhodes, senior Romney advisor.
“Not only did he deliver an excellent apology after politicizing the death of Ambassador Chris Stevens, and he really nailed it when he had to explain himself over the 47% thing the day after the debate. It was totally an underhanded apology that almost slipped by. Mitt’s been getting so good at it, he apologized to his wife after accidentally bringing her a caffeinated soda at a fund raising picnic, where he mingled with regular common people. It was a touching moment among many.”
Political analysts are wondering if Romney can keep up with his fast paced rate of apologizing. Some of his more notable apologies have reportedly been behind closed doors, especially after the debate.
He has been practicing apologizing to his base constituency for faltering on his platform so many times.
Romney appeared on Univision, a Spanish Language Channel, where he apologized to Hispanics for the tough talk on immigration during the primaries, but vowed to apologize more to them in his coming years as president.
Romney has also been seen apologizing to unemployed Americans, stating he was “sorry for the whole off-shore thing,” and that if he got their vote, he would “so get their jobs back for them.”
When asked about the apology, President Barack Obama commented, “It was nice and heart felt. Uh… He knew I was tired and had been keeping late nights… what with keeping the world from falling apart, and… cleaning up a rather… big mess left by… uh, Republicans.”
Paul Ryan has not been in favor of the recent streak of apologies, stating that “it shows weakness.”
“Ayn Rand would be spinning in her atheist grave right now listening to Romney bowing to people, many of whom don’t even pay taxes for the entitlements they feel they deserve.”
He also added, “did that come off as racist? Is that my first political gaff? I need to go do some P90x and sort all of this out, but you know what I mean about those people [who do not pay taxes].”
Senior White House advisor David Plouffe remarked on how happy he was to see Romney take a more humble approach. Plouffe went on to say, “As much as he’s apologizing for the lies, pandering, political polarizing, and suckering poor people in to a program that would marginalize their meager incomes, I don’t think I’ve heard him apologize to Jim Lerher or Big Bird for threatening to fire them.”
Mitt Romney will be in the swing state of Arkansas tomorrow speaking at a $5 a plate fundraiser held for the state’s wealthiest job creators.
The Romney campaign wishes to offer their sincere apology for all of the apologies they have offered recently. They believe in a perfect conservative world they would not be held so accountable for making statements that so many people take to heart.