Republicans Vote to Repeal Libya

Washington D.C. – Republican lawmakers today voted to repeal the country of Libya from the world for “causing too much trouble.”

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor held up a map, pointed to what he thought was Libya and proposed legislation to repeal the nation.

Democratic members of the House quickly explained to Cantor that he was actually pointing to the North Pole and that the map was actually a Macy’s Christmas catalog from 1998.

Right: Image appears courtesy of Heather Gillam. Click to enlarge.

The GOP controlled House immediately held a vote and unanimously agreed to the nation’s repeal. Several Republican House members brought out large sheets of construction paper and began drawing out a plan for repealing Libya using crayons and finger paints.

Rep. Cantor held hope that the measure would not die in the Democratic-controlled Senate.

“Our hope is that the Democrats won’t block this legislation. I mean, come on, it’s just Libya. They don’t even have a leader there anymore. They’re so confused there anyway. What’s the big deal? Did I use the word ‘hope?’ Oh crap. Can you delete that from the record? We’re not supposed to use that word.”

When asked for his remarks, Rep. John Boehner stated, “This is….” and then immediately started crying uncontrollably, curled into a fetal position on the House floor, and sucked his thumb so hard it fell off.

Senate Democrats, when asked for comment on the bill, laughed so hard that one of them needed medical attention for “confidence induced psychosis.”

Once treated, a Democrat that asked to remain anonymous because she is Nancy Pelosi said, “Look, I’ve read the actual legislation. All they want to do is cut out the shape of Libya from one of Cantor’s old high school textbook maps and burn it. I say let those poor old bastards have their fun.”