Categorized | Politics

Green Party Desperately Trying to Convince Nation It Has Other Policies

Green Party Desperately Trying to Convince Nation It Has Other Policies

WASHINGTON D.C. – The Green Party of The United States is desperately trying to convince supporters of the two main political parties that it does have policies not linked in any way to the environment.

Speaking before a Q&A session Wednesday, Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein insisted that people should “check out our stance on healthcare and education.”

“Every election it’s the same; people always think that the Green Party is just about saving some polar bears in the North Pole,” said Stein.

RIGHT: Jill Stein appearing at a pander-fest gone awry. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

“But if you actually take the time to read into our policies, you’ll realize that, among other things, we want to stop the punishment of students and teachers for failures of the system, we want to offer affordable healthcare for every American, and we want to reform financial institutions. That’s right: we actually have our own fiscal agenda.”

Despite its name, the party is adamant that it holds several other non-climate-related views, including matters pertaining to immigration, the economy and foreign policy, as well as ending the War on Drugs.

“I know you might find this hard to believe, but we even have opinions on complex matters such as the conflict in the Middle East and have even formulated a workable alternative to stringent border control measures,” continued Stein. “This information has been public on our website for years. Just go and check it out.”

The Green Party, which officially formed in 1991, took just 161,603 votes at the last election in 2008.

“The party has moved on since then; we’ve learned from our mistakes. Just take a look at our “We Do Other Things” campaign banners. Hopefully they’ll go a long way to convincing people that we’re more than just some tree-hugging political movement. We’re the Green Party.”

Meanwhile, the party has removed all mention of the environment from its website in a continued effort to “be taken seriously for once.”

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 161 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

.

2 Responses to “Green Party Desperately Trying to Convince Nation It Has Other Policies”

  1. Barb Weir says:

    Actually, the party name has nothing to do with the environment. They named it green in the hope of attracting money, but it backfired.

  2. Bee says:

    I am glad that they have dropped all that crap about the environment from their website.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks


Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

DHgate.com



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial