Myrtle Beach, South Carolina – Attempting to appeal to the conservative base, the Romney-Ryan campaign is holding a “Who’s Wife is Hotter” contest at a Hooters located in Myrtle Beach.
This new tactic comes after an influx of criticism, aimed at Romney’s inability to relate with blue collar voters.
Republican strategist Trey Harden explains, “This is exactly what Mitt needs. He needs to show how much he loves women while appealing to the working class.
“Let’s face it, grocery stores and hardware stores are small potatoes. What he needed was something that would really click, and I think this is just the thing.”
The rally will be centered around the two women, Ann Romney and Janna Ryan. These two women will compete in various heats, showcasing their features, to determine which one is hotter.
The multiple category contest will feature a swimsuit, evening wear, and talent competition where both contestants have said they will be singing the national anthem. Some of the more unorthodox competitions include body shots, bar dancing, and wet t-shirt contest. Ann Romney reassured supporters in a press release that her inability to drink would not impair her performance, but will enhance it.
Polls have been conducted to predict the outcome of the contest, but public opinion seems to be split. When asked “Would you rather do Janna Ryan, Ann Romney, or a bullet?” 21% said Romney, 20% said Ryan, 51% opted for the bullet, and 8% said both.
When asked about the competition, Mitt Romney said “I know my wife is going to win. Look at her! Five kids and it still looks like that? C’mon, it’s not like you wouldn’t.”
Ryan responded in a similar fashion, stating “My wife is totally hotter. For one, she’s younger. Secondly, you can bounce a quarter off her ass. You think with a bod like this, I’d be with some troll? No way. Janna’s got this one.”
Despite fears of this competition possible creating enmity amongst the candidates, Mitt Romney’s campaign manager Matt Rhodes reassured skeptics by explaining “this has only brought the two together. It allowed Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan to loosen up. It’s not always about policy and economic figures. Sometimes it’s about being able to connect with the voter, and both candidates are looking forward to that.”
This event is expected to have a large and diverse turnout. Although South Carolina has mainly voted Republican in presidential elections, Myrtle Beach was selected because of the many visitors it entertains from across the nation. Conservative blogger John Gizzi looks forward to the event, writing, “This is a great way to get that minority vote, that woman vote, and the young college kid vote that the party needs. Kids love this stuff, it’s all over the T.V.”
This shouldn’t matter. Why does it always come to this?
Easy. Paul Ryan’s wife is hotter. By like a mile.
And Newt’s wife is terrifying. Lights off, strictly.