Dick Cheney returns to the worlds spotlight this week as he appears in his first movie part–reprising the unforgettable Peter Sellers role of Dr. Strangelove in the remake of the Stanley Kubrik movie of the same name.
Sellers made cinematic history as the wheelchair-bound, ex-Nazi atomic physicist who has a problem trying to keep his right hand from making the famous “Heil Hitler” salute. Cheney, considered a natural for the role, is reported to have needed few acting lessons to ‘become’ Strangelove.
The major difference between the Sellers rendition and the ex-Vice President’s is that Cheney’s version is being performed without humor. When asked why he chose to do it that way, the Great Dick snortily replied “What, you think this is supposed to be funny?”
A second part, that of the hyper-American General so brilliantly payed by George C. Scott was given to another former Bush crony who is also making his acting debut–the eternally weaselly Republican shill Karl Rove. It was a surprise move as Rove in no way resembles the athletically strong, tough Scott who so convincing played a hard core American military General in both this movie and in the Oscar bedecked ‘Patton’. When asked if he would reprise the courage, valor and toughness that Scott showed in his portrayal, Rove replied in a nerdy, nervous voice “Courage, valor and toughness? Haven’t a clue.”
Filming has almost wrapped up. George Bush will have a cameo as the Slim Pickens character who falls out of a bomber on top of a nuclear device and rides it cowboy style to its earthly Russian destination. Bush choose the role because it was the only one that allowed him to wear a cowboy hat and not have to remember any lines, especially since he never could get the hang of saying nucular properly.
An interesting aside to this is that there was an actor in the original film actually named Glenn Beck. Fox’s Glenn Beck was offered the small role but refused because he thought it was a liberal plot to make him look ridiculous. He didn’t need to worry, he does that just fine on his own.
Cheney has been doing private rehearsals with the 100 actresses playing the roles of concubines for the top government officials who in the movie will remain underground until the nuclear holocaust is finished. The Great Dick has been having the rehearsals in one of his undisclosed locations alone with the starlets. The former Vice Prez stated that he chose the undisclosed location for nothing other than privacy reasons…..Oh, my God! What are those sudden bursts of blinding light on the horizon?
Of course my tapping into it 30 times a day might have something to do with it.
Because God looked down upon it
and saw that it was good
and He ordained that it should should be spread throughout the earth
and be plentiful
and that that was good as well.
So it has come to pass that this article
has verily come into all the nations of the world
and be fruitful so that the seekers after rightousessness would come upon it
and thereby be filled and purified.
And, lo, it came to pass and God looked down
and this was good as well.
Amen.
How is this STILL one of our most popular stories???
BKW: I’ll bite Barghis!
BT: How?
BKW: [baring teeth] So!
Jesus tapdancing Christ Bargis, what the hell is wrong with you??? I go out of town for 2 goddamn minutes and you decide to throw a flame war?
No… It doesn’t work like this. I have no more patience for your cranky shenanigans. You’re only the 2nd or 3rd writer in EIGHT YEARS I’ve had to warn, and the first I’ve ever warned twice. If you want to participate, do so civilly. I won’t let you be a pain in my ass.
Nope, I’m with L-T on this one. Ostrich stories are going to flood in…it has to be done.
And BobZ? C’mon dude. that was so generic. I want original…well, actually, when have I ever gotten what I wanted? Forget I said anything. At least, you know how to follow directives.
Dude, we’re family, all of us in here. Yesh, even our esteemed colleague Bogus Tarball; we’re all family here.
Family won’t let you get away with a fart, alone in the middle of the Gobi desert, else we ain’t really family. I intend to work ostriches prominently in many future stories.
Am even framing this very moment an Ostrich exclusive in your honor Rfreed. Something like “Scientists discover ancient cannibal Ostriches: Reason for their extinction remains a mystery.”
You folks aren’t going to let me go on the ostrich thing, are you?
re: PBeckert
An ostrich walks into a bar and orders a gin martini.
The bartender says we don’t serve gin to ostriches, order something else.
The ostrich says I’ll have a beer.
Good choice, says the bartender, would you like a gin chaser?
“Is there any evidence Cheney in office profited personally from his former association with Halliburton?”
Yes. He profited.
After he pushed the stock to marvelous heights, he sold out in 2000 for $35M.
This is previous to VP office.
He got out before the investigation of the stock manipulation which he did.
Actually, that would be much appreciated from all the writers if we got back to the satire. We need stories. Funny, funny stories. I’m including myself in this here begging plea…did I mention the stories have to be funny? Anyone know any ostrich jokes?
Ork ork ork! Seal of approval for Rfreed! Expertly expressed there. I could say more, but I won’t. Am gonna go give all u smartasses some competition in the satire area instead.
We could go around and around on this all day and its still going to be the same. You, for some reason, believe that Cheney is an OK guy and I think he is Saddam Hussein who shaved his mustache off and snuck into Bush’s Cabinet.
That’s the way it is. I cannot change your thinking and you cannot change mine. You have your experiences in life that bring you to your conclusions and I have mine. You cannot cut someones experiences out of their heart.
One difference lying here is that I don’t tear after every Republican just because they are a Republican. They have to have done something drastic first. I also don’t support every Democrat. But to take a mental slant that everyone on one side of the fence is sh*t and everyone on the other is a saint just isn’t real.
Geez rfreed…….Give it up will ya. What proof, and I mean proof do you have that Cheney is a bad sort? Throughout the Bush two-terms the loopy left was trying to hang anything on Cheney, but guess what, there was nothing there that was illegally done.
Personally, I’d rather have one Dick Cheney-type taking care of critical matters than 100 Barry Obamas, 200 Mr. Peanut Carters, or 300 A BJ-Ain’t-Sex Clintons.
What did you do light one up while watching the movie ‘W’ and thought it was a real documentary? Do you guys read upside down or something?
Hell, you could’ve used ‘Dick’ and ‘Cheney’ in the same sentence and we would’ve accused you of having one.
If Cheney is pricked, does he not bleed? Heh! I used “prick” and “Cheney” in the same sentence without being able to be accused of slander.
Sorry Bargis. If you had supported any other politicain I wouldn’t have been so adamant. But Cheney is a black hole of a politicain.
Why you should choose to support him so strongly is a mystery. Any body who could not look at him and his persona and not see a-hole written all over him has a couple mental lobes that are not fully developed.
And, no, it is because FOX has a lack of creative imagination and constantly utilizes one trick ponies that there is a problem.
No, just Cheney and Halliburton. Don’t see much Google bashing these days, even with the Wii-Fii data scandal. Ever notice that?
No, he divested all of his Halliburton/economic ties prior to becoming the VP candidate. You know those fringe types will make a villan out of any corporation given the moment.
I wasn’t making concessions for Cheney. I’ve always had serious policy disputes with wing of GOP from which Dick sprouted.
Was only offering? Though he’s great satire mat’l, he’s also a complex personality.
Am a bit surprised though, how CheneyHalliburton is one word now. VP’s and spouses have to divest holdings and go into blind trust. Is there any evidence Cheney in office profited personally from his former association with Halliburton?
Hey L-T..ever notice a majority on this site are still bashing Bush- Cheney and in rfreed’s case a penchant for FOX news, a channel that scares him to death. Maybe just a lack of creative imagination or merely one-trick ponies as far as writing ability I guess.
I did meet Dick Cheney in Tallahassee in 2002. We shook hands and had a few moments of pleasant talk. Looks you straight in the eye and has a man’s handshake. Found him to be most pleasant. I can understand whey the loopy liberal left feels uncomfortable around him…It’s because he knows they are drifting lumps of nonsense with accomplishments that are fabrications of the imagination.
I apologize again. I usually am more restrained but when it comes to Cheney, I just can’t help myself. Can’t stand the bastard. Don’t give me or my remarks another thought. Carry on.
The last comment from Mr . Tryhol dated 12/10 doesn’t doesn’t tax the imagination. It is just a compilation of biographical facts copied from Wikipedia. It shows that Mr. Cheney ‘served’, but it does not indicate whether he served as a public servant in his governmental work or as a self server. Many take government jobs for the power it has over others, for the artificially higher pay than the public sector offers, the multiple benefits paid by taxpayers that they themselves are unable to afford and for the illusionary status it often provides. In Cheney’s case it is all of these.
A refutation to the provided list goes like this:
A- Cheney got his apprenticeship under Nixon. As LB mentioned he saw first hand how you have to hide things from the press and the fine art of dirty tricks.
B-Became Republican Whip- Which he why he had to toe the line on abortion, gun control and environmental legislation. Also this is Wyoming where the last two are big topics. This is about the time when Another Wyomingan wanted to strip mine the whole country- James Watts. And we all know how much Cheney loves machines that kill other things. One time he shot 50 ducks in one day- for food? No, sheer blood lust.
C-Had a heart attack- the one true thing he probably ever did for America. And he didn’t do it right.
D- Served as Secretary of Defense- the same guy who refused Selective Service in the Vietnam Era five times. And some people say Obama didn’t have enough experience.
E-Joined conservative think tank- shades of 1984 and thought control. A lot of conservative thought today revolves around “How can we got control over everything?’. I’m sure hours of his time were spent with that topic.
F- Joins Halliburton- A marriage of Lucifer and Beelzebub. A cartel that specialized in raping the government troves and in playing Monopoly on a global scale.
G- Helped Bush’s primary victories- No, set up a patsy so he could run the country Putin stiyle (ie. From behind the scenes through someone else). Still didn’t get the heart attack bit right.
H- Helped the administrations Middle East policy because that was where the oil to be grabbed was. Started a war that was unnecessary and killed way too many people. Him and the think tank probably spent sleepless nights coming up with excuses to go in there. If Iraq had chemicals that were ready they would have had to deliver them to the US on donkeys.
I- Halliburton made obscene profits from the war. Cheney has such a thick hide and has built an such a strong iron curtain around himself that public opinion doesn’t matter to him. Cheney should apologize to the American public.
J- Cheney served as acting President. First time in 8 years he couldn’t wear his Darth Vader costume.
K- Didn’t have heart attack. Puked up three days worth of food though.
Unfortunately LB, Cheney is only pro same sex marriage because his daughter is an outspoken lesbian. I would become gay too if I were Cheney’s kid.
I’m pretty sure that calloued remark just broke his heart. Oh wait, it’s already broken!
Oh give me a frikkin’ break. Cheney’s a bastard. Funny, when y’all wanna call a spade a spade you have no problem, but when it comes to a dick like Cheney, you all wanna make concessions. He’s out for himself. period. nuff said. I’m so tired of this pussy footin’ around. c’mon have at me.
@LT “Y’know, like him or not? Cheney’s a very complex person.”
Oh I think we’ve all agreed already that we like him.
One thing you can say about him is he has a big heart. About the size of a volley ball last I heard. It’s kind of killing him, but luckily it’s doing it very, very slowly.
Y’know, like him or not? Cheney’s a very complex person. I think much of his push for expansion of exec branch power stems from having been a young staffer watching the Nixon admin implode. And Cheney is pro same-sex marriage; always has been. Very complex guy; I’d really like to meet him.
But I don’t want to be serious today, so instead I say?
That’s QUITE funny, GW asks Dick to find him a VP, Cheney comes back and says, “Wanted to find you the coolest VP ever, looked all over, but turns out it’s ME!”
That’s just freakin’ hilarious!!!
“Mmmm, let’s see here? Georgie wants someone with lots of experience, who’s uncompromising and comfy in ‘bad cop’ role. Sounds like somebody I know, can’t think of the guy’s name though.”
Man’s gotta have a hobby.
Well all that makes sense. I didn’t realize it took so much legwork to become a great torturer. I think for a draft dodger he really made up a lot of ground.
Let’s be honest, Dick Cheney has killed a lot more ferners than any other vice president. That has GOT to count for something.
xoxo
In 1968 Cheney moved to Washington, D.C., to serve as a congresstional aide, and beginning in 1969, he worked in the administration of Pres. Richard Nixon. After leaving government service briefly in 1973, he became a deputy assistant to Pres. Gerald Ford in 1974 and his chief of staff from 1975 to 1977. In 1978 he was elected from Wyoming to the first of six terms in the United States House of Representatives, where he rose to become the Republican whip. In the House, Cheney took conservative positions on abortion, gun control, and environmental regulation, among other issues. In 1978 he suffered the first of several mild heart attacks, and he underwent quadruple-bypass surgery in 1988.
From 1989 to 1993 he served as Secretary of Defense in the administration of Pres. George Bush, presiding over reductions in the military following the breakup of the Soviet Union. Cheney also oversaw the U.S. military invasion of Panama and the participation of U.S. forces in the Persian Gulf War. After President Bush lost his reelection bid in 1992, Cheney became a fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative think tank. In 1995 he became the chairman and chief executive officer of the Halliburton Company, a supplier of technology and services to the oil and gas industries.
After George W. Bush’s primary victories secured his nomination for the presidency of the United States, Cheney was appointed to head Bush’s vice presidential search committee. Few expected that Cheney himself would eventually become the Republican vice presidential candidate. Two weeks after election day, Cheney suffered another mild heart attack, though he quickly resumed his duties as leader of Bush’s presidential transition team.
As vice president, Cheney was active and used his influence to help shape the administration’s energy policy and foreign policy in the Middle East. He played a central, controversial role in conveying intelligence reports that Saddam Hussein of Iraq had developed weapons of mass destruction (WMDs) in violation of resolutions passed by the United Nations reports used by the Bush administration to initiate the Iraq War. However, Iraq had no active WMDs that could be found, but thousands of empty chemical warheads, stripped processing facilities, and receipts for the chemical ingredients were discovered. It has been suggested that the ingredients could have produced up to 40,000 liters of weapons grade anthrax, that once weaponized into a dispersable powder could be hidden in a suitcase sized box. Iraq is the size of California and finding a container so small would be an impossible task.
After the fall of Hussein’s regime, Cheney’s former company, Halliburton, secured lucrative reconstruction contracts from the U.S. government, raising the spectre of favoritism and possible wrongdoing—allegations that damaged Cheney’s public reputation. The allegations were later dissproved and he was issued a public apology by House Leader Nancy Pelosi. Critics, who had long charged Cheney with being a secretive public servant, including some members of Congress, who invented a lawsuit against Cheney for not disclosing records used to form the national energy policy. The case went nowhere and was later dismissed as usual Democratic partisian posturing.
Cheney briefly served as Acting President of the United States on two occasions during which Bush underwent medical procedures.
It was during this time that writer rfreed had a near fatal coronary once he heard the news that Dick Cheney was acting president. He’s almost fully recovered say friends.
It has been two days since I issued the challenge to come up with a list of things that Cheney actually did for the country. No one has been able to supply a proper answer.
I think it taxes peoples imagination too much.
A grand list could be made of the colossal detriments he made to a land that is supposedly fair and free.
This is true.
That had to be major accomplishment.
Too bad we had to share it with him.
Dick Cheney’s greatest accomplishment? Why, getting George.W.Bush elected!
“Remember folks, George W Bush will be viewed by historians as one of the best US presidents this country has ever seen”….D.Cheney 2007
BTW, if Reagan wasn’t the second son of a bitch, then who the f was he?
“…an HONEST list of things that he has done for America or the people of the US.”
no such list is possible…
everything would have to be made up. Not a kosher thing to do on a satire site.
He did a good job as Secertary of Defense under George the First. He did all the background and due dilegence to present to the world that the intervention was “legal” in the first Gulf War. Of course, that may have been as a result of George’s mandate to make sure the war legitimate, but it was all sound. My opinion.
Here’s a challenge to BT or anyone else who is part of the Dick Cheney fan club. Come up with an HONEST list of things that he has done for America or the people of the US. Note- I said an HONEST list, not a concocted soup of conjectured attitudes by the same people who think that Ronald Reagan was God’s second son come down to earth.
Geez rfreed stop for air, we’re all worried!
We’ll be ruled by his cyborg. Wait and see.
The thing I should have said is that Cheney would have gladly and without hesitation transformed this nation into a dictatorship- whether of himself or of another of his ilk or of a corporate nature.
Well you certainly don’t mince words, rfreed.
Cheney is the last man to be considered anything great in American politics. During the Vietnam he dodged the draft FIVE TIMES. He stated that “the military option was not for him”. Yet the politicos made him the Secretary of Defense over the military. What kind of ‘experience’ qualified him for that. And he didn’t seem to have a problem with coming up with phoney reasons for starting a war in Iraq that has killed ans maimed thousands of Americans that didn’t have the privilege of “not taking the military option”. Take an honest look at the guy and tell me that he gives a rats butt about any of the GI’s that got hurt over there. His butt is all he has ever cared about.
Cheney’s great experience consists of crawling up the Washington ladder like a rat. Who was his greatest mentor? He did his discipleship under Nixon. No wonder he is so good at manipulating.
Cheney does not have a civic minded bone in his body. He is and always has been only out for number one- himself. His career is just a constant positioning himself to his advantage materially and powerwise. The money drained from the US treasury and Iraq into his and Halliburtons pockets is astounding. For example Halliburton was charging the US government $100 a bag to do one soldiers laundry in Iraq.
He is a walking portrait of arrogance and greed. Any patriotism he shows is a learned camouflage that he needed to be accepted within the system. Anyone who thinks that he is any sort of true statesman or, God forbid, an American hero is a fool of the worst sort. I cannot understand that anyone sees anything of social value in the man.
Cheney, now a hunted criminal trying to not be extradited to Nigeria.
Nothing like trying to be a movie star…
But Barghis, you’re conflating experience with greatness. I simply can’t see any causal connection there. Cheney DID have exceptional experience in state and international affairs prior to taking office, but once he did when he took the office is the yardstick by which I’d measure the greatness of a leader.
What did he accomplish as a vice president? What is his legacy?
Brian, it’s simply because he was the most experienced in White House duties, served in Congress, and his tenure as Sec of Def. I can’t think of one other VP since Truman that has had such remarkable and well rounded experience with the exception of Geo Bush sr as VP under Reagan.
As far as being a ‘great shot’ rfreed I can’t recall how many times Carter shot himself in the foot politically.
It’s a vice-President’s privilage to be able to shoot peasants in the face. What part of ‘royalty’ do you not get?
Probably because he shoots people in the face and gets away with it.
Also robs the U.S. Treasury for funds by giving non contestable military bids to Halliburton.
Technically, they’re both “dead”. Zombie love.
I’ll bite, Barghis, how so?
Dick Cheney..Possibly the best vice president since Harry Truman
By golly, it is funny. You can’t get any stranger than Cheney. And the ‘love’ part? That’s just pure satire.
“What, you think this is supposed to be funny?”
Ah, that Cheney. History’s “straight man.”