New York, NY — In a unique reversal of its former policy of attracting the poor and oppressed for its legions of bomb makers and bomb blowers, Al-Queda has changed its strategy to recruiting young, rich Westerners to its agenda instead. The world’s premier terrorist organization is now attempting to attract yuppies to fill its ranks. For example, here is the latest video outing from Osama bin Laden himself, patron saint of the Terrorist movement:
“Greetings to western colleagues and true believers in the wholesale killing of people for the glory of Allah! We here at Al Queda Central realize that not all westerners are infidel dog sons of lepers. I know there are many out there from the upper classes like myself who during their youth had boring, uninspiring lives where they were waited on hand and foot by servants and never experienced the character building experiences that the poor have. Let me ask you these things: do you feel superior to everyone else because of your silver spoon background? Do you feel like you have had enough of material wealth and entitlements? Do you want to get into something that will provide you with an exciting lifestyle and a way to get back at your straight laced parents who ignored you your whole childhood? Here is your chance! Join me and my associates at Al Queda School For Sanctified Terror for a fun-filled, meaningful life and career choice. We will offer a challenging new way of living filled with informational instructions in bomb making, exciting hand to hand combat practice, lessons in how to make cool videos of captured infidels who are about to be executed, and specials lessons in how to oppress a population with just a few modern pieces of weaponry so that their lives remain at a stone age level. What fun! Much better than that lame crap they were teaching you at that private school or college you went to!
Look at me- I was once a lazy, no good, oversized wimp son of a ridiculously wealthy Saudi construction firm owner. Now I am the honored head of a terrorist organization and a legend in my own time! If I can do it, so can you. Contact us at this special 800 number within the next 24 hours and we will include in your briefing kit a free desert camouflage outfit just like you see me wearing in those occasional videos I make denouncing the Satanic West. Call now!”
FBI sources state that since the outing of this video that here has been a scary upswing in the number of American and European yuppies joining Al Queda. Fortunately, most are intercepted by Homeland Security and Interpol not only because they are wearing desert camouflage outfits but they are also carrying Gucci Bags and designer luggage stuffed with Osama videos.