This month I would like to share with you my observations about brown nosing in the office. By brown nosing, I mean ass kissing. The reason that I state that these are my observations is to be clear that this is not my behavior, but rather the behavior of my coworkers as observed here at the hospital in New Jersey. For some good definitions of brown nosing, see this link at Urban Dictionary.com.
The reason that I am sharing these observations with you is to help out the little guy, the average worker, who at the end of the day may need to use every trick in the book to advance up the corporate latter. So here are my tips and recommendations for sucking up to your boss.
First, find out what kind of booze he drinks and make sure to buy him a bottle every year for Christmas. When in doubt, make sure to go top shelf. A cheap bottle of booze will give your boss the wrong impression.
Also popular around our office are sporting event tickets. Do not be afraid to a lay a pair of tickets on your boss once in a while unless all of the local teams are really bad. I know one year a guy at work gave his boss a pair of Mets tickets when they were in last place and he never heard the end of it.
If your family or a distance relative owns a bar, make sure to invite your boss out at least quarterly. It is a great time to tell your boss how much you enjoy working for him when the shots of tequila are flowing. Also tell him that you could not picture working for any other manager in your department.
If your boss is a woman, no problem, just make sure to ask her frequently how the kids are doing. Make sure to refer to them by their first names. If you happen to come across some extra tickets for the circus, drop those on her for some extra points.
What your boss likes, you like. For example if you are sitting around waiting for a meeting to start and your boss shows you a picture of his new motorcycle, make sure to tell him how much you love motorcycles. It doesn’t matter if you have never been near one. The same goes for snowmobiles. If he tells you how much he loves ice hockey, you love ice hockey.
When your boss has an idea, no matter how stupid it is, tell him what a great idea it is and that you wish you had thought of it. Then remind him that is why he is getting paid the big bucks.