Brussels Holy Alliance Slams Controversial New Development Bank

Many prime ministers and presidents from prominent nations have denounced China’s new Asian Infrastructure Investment Bank.
However, as this article will show you, the accusations certain national leaders have been making are very revealing.
However, I leave to your discretion whether the comments are primarily revealing in relation to China and the Asian Infrastructure Investment Bank…Or whether, on the contrary, the accusations currently being voiced clarify more clearly the character of the Brussels Holy Alliance of the UK, France, and Germany.
Firstly, spirited Eton graduate and dearly beloved Comeback-Pig-Cummer David Cameron muses:

Now, hearken unto what one hath already quoth, dearest sillybums (sic). It is simply indefensible that, under the false and malicious guise of an entirely democratic and accountable development bank, John Sambo is…
Harrah, harrah, harrahhh! Now, now, o do please excuse me, chicken!
Now, o now…
Now, o, now, do, do, calm down, luvvie-shmuggles.

Yes, now there’s a good girl.
Why, she is a pretty one, now, isn’t she, Alex, old bean? 😉
Well, in any case, somewhat more consequentially…
Well, when I said “John Sambo,” I did not intend to be discoursing in an uncongenially un-PC manner.
Why, I merely meant, instead, to speak not of “John Sambo,” but of our dearest chum “John Chinaman.” Nothing more. Ah, one is no Naughty Nigel, believe one, darling!
Well, yes. In any case, the new development bank is not at all a sincere attempt to mutually benefit a large number of countries in an egalitarian manner.
On the contrary. As regards this contentious topic, I have communed with a panel of entirely objective, neutral and value-free consultants…
Including numerous notable intellectual experts and self-observant philanthropists and innumerable heroic public celebrities…
Such as our global ethics team: George Soros, George Osborne, Bill Gates, Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Dick and Dom in the Bungalow, Nicolas Sarkozy, Nicholas Cage, Sepp Blatter, Silvio Berlusconi, Jean-Claude Juncker, Leopold II…
Assisted by our philosophy and spirituality caucus of John Zerzan, Jarosław and Ted Kaczyński, the Panchen Lama (one thought one would just sneak that one in there)…
And our cultural studies working group of Fouad Ajami, Edward Said, Jedward Said, Bernie Sanders, Colonel Sanders, Citizen Kane, Winston Smith, Jaden Smith, Mr Smith Goes to Washington, Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Captain America, Captain Birdseye…
Our economic advisory team of Fanny and Freddy Mac, Fleetwood Mac, Tommy Robinson, Tommy Cooper, Donald Trump, Donald Duck, Donald Duc (sic), Tony Blair, Eric Blair, Eric Cantona, Rosie Redknapp, Harry Redknapp, Harry Hill, Harry Ramsden, Gordon Gekko, Gordon Brown…
A few international relations and global political economy wonks without portfolio, nor indeed possessing any particularly mutually distinguishing characteristics in general, such as Bono, Bob Geldof, Bob Hope, Bob Crow, Russell Crowe, Bob Monkhouse, Bob’s-Yer-Blummming-Monkhouse-Ya-Flaming-Poncey-Northern-Square…
Our PR team of Earl Hickey, Earl Warren, Warren Buffett, Slap-Up DAVOS Buffets ‘R’ Us, Ozzy Osborne, George Osborne (again!), Oswald Mosley, Enoch Powell, Adolf Hitler, Bill Ayers, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Saul Alinsky, Saul Goodman, White Goodman, Ronald McDonald, Ronnie Gardocki, Ronald Reagan…
And, last but not least nor most tokenistic, my two deary-dearest, good-boy-have-no-fearest, pleasantest old friendy-bums: Godfrey Bloom, and his notable elder brother in humanity Nelson Mandela.
Or Blessed, Blessed, Dear Old Happy Madibabums, as I like to call this nicest old besty-boos-chummy-chums of mine.
Now, our objective and impartial consensus (not to mention unanimous!) is that the new Asian Infrastructure Investment Bank, falsely so-called, is merely a sneaky, conspiratorial, backroom attempt to conduct a vicious long-term strategy of economic colonization and recolonization…
Under the superficial and misleading guise of a sincere, benevolent and democratic project of mutual co-operation.

Well, that’s all fine. But we still haven’t heard from the actual legitimate leader of Europe yet. You know, someone genuinely important. Tune in next time.
Or just tune out. It’s probably easier that way.

Oh wait, I thought I was going to have to send you a second instalment later. But I have received instructions from an unquestionable higher power and his anointed representatives in a notable English city. I am only following orders.
Well, last time, you heard from an achingly charismatic man in a tight spot, who had no choice but to do something vaguely unpopular and f___ the consequences.
But that is not the only kind of leader that exists in Europe.
Nor indeed the only kind of aspiring Leader-of-Europe-Wannabe-Hegemon.
Indeed. Notable strong leader and seeker of a single unified and powerful Europe Angela Merkel has also denounced the new Asian development bank, sneering:

Jaaaaaaa! Ach!
Küss mein Arsch, Griechhund!
Ja, ja, jaaaaaaa, man can certainly see the carrot, but what about the stick? How does man know these vicious new economic Mafia gangs will not end up using tied aid as an economic weapon?
And will there by any chance be a number of wanton acts of economic terrorism, disguised as “remedial treatment,” or even as “economic sanctions,” falsely and insincerely so-called?
And what happens for those who cannot pay?
Well? Will they be colonized, with the assistance of a whole merry gang of willing collaborators of the head nations of this falsely universal, falsely transparent, and utterly unaccountable gang of despicable mafiosi?
Such atrocities and enormities as these are unprecedented in our entire history, and any attempts to implement or sustain them must be cut off at the root with the utmost uncompromising brute force!!!
Jaaaaaaa! Was soll daaaaasssssss…

Still, Xi Jinping was rather unimpressed with these comments from the Somewhat-More-Than-Mono-National Community.

I don’t see many people complaining about this one, quite frankly. Only those who seem to have most to lose, in terms of economic privileges…
And, in the long run, diplomatic authority.
Well. Perhaps there is but little more to be said on the matter.

Well, why not!

Image attribution:
Casa Rosada (Argentina Presidency of the Nation) [CC BY 2.5 ar], via Wikimedia Commons

Originally published at The Spoof.

Author: Wallace Runnymede

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