Portland, Oregon – Manny, Moe & Jack may soon be changing their names to Fanny, Blow & Whack following the grand opening of the newest Pep Boys store on Alberta Street in downtown Portland on Saturday morning.
Prior to opening the doors for the first time, Store Manager Marc Maasseli, removed an opaque sheet of plastic covering the store’s sign to reveal “Peep Boys” instead of the familiar “Pep Boys” that the 300 customers, reporters and company executives standing outside were expecting.
“I think the sign is a perfect representation of everything Pep Boys stands for,” Maasseli said after showing blueprints for the sign to company executives, proving that he had an extra “E” added. “This is the company’s first store in Oregon and we want the public to know what Pep Boys is really about,” Maasseli added.
However, contrary to the Oregon manager’s beliefs, a handful of national organizations dedicated to protecting children from predators, immediately stepped forward to announce their disapproval.
“Not on our soil!” Stated Marian Wright Edelman of the Children’s Defense Fund, headquartered in Washington, D.C. “We want the Pep Boys corporate office to know that taking their company down is our New Year’s resolution! For too long, Peep Boys has done just that, peeped on little children. The time for a change is now!” Edelman added.
Additional child support organizations that have come forward to protest the full-service and automotive aftermarket chain include: The Global Fund for Children, The National Safe Place Network and BREAD, Belligerent Refuse Energizing Aggregate Delectables.
The Philadelphia, Pennsylvania based company has been under fire since 2009, when a boy scout troop shopping for pinewood derby kits went missing and were never found.
Pep Boys’ Acting CEO, Jerry Hammerfist, whose last name has been on a list of predatory terms since 2011, commented that he “couldn’t speak to why it was made this way,” pointing out that he’s “only acting as the CEO,” and has no actual connection with the company.
For up-to-date information and access to the Children’s Defense Fund’s petition against Pep Boys, please visit. www.operationpeepless.com
You ever see the movie “Prisoners” with Jake Gyllenhall? That was inspired by Peep Boys
A summit? Is that a backhanded way of calling them ‘some hick?’
I can read between the lines. As long as they aren’t too close together.
I am prepared to accept this theory, but it may require a summit. Somewhere near the top, to be specific.
I can disprove the theory of a Glossy writer making the comment in three moves –
1) Mr. Anonymous Josh the critic said “this website” is run by 12 year-olds.
2) Glossy writers ARE this website.
3) Glossy writers are not, in fact, 12 years olds.
Ipso Facto, a Glossy writer could not make this comment.
PS I think a satire writer would have a more interesting insult? Maybe using humor? Just sayin’.
Seriously, who’s calling Mr. Pep a Peep Boy? That makes it personal.
The thot plickens…
I hope this wasn’t posted anonymously by another Glossy author, because the IP resolves to the same address as another comment made by one of our authors. If we’re going to slam one another, let’s do so openly. If this is a misunderstanding, then please accept my statistically improbable apology.
WHO U CALLING BOY????
Let’s see what you got josh
Wow, this passes as "satire"? Is this website run by 12 year olds?