UNITED STATES – According to an unconfirmed report, Friday – the day generally considered to be the end of the work week – just cannot get here damn-near quick enough.
Even though the day of Friday – like every other day of its kind – takes just seven days to cycle around each week, there is a strong feeling inside every business across the country that the day should just hurry the heck up already, damn it!
In spite of the fact that last Friday is actually now four days ago and its upcoming counterpart just three days away, it feels like forever ago that most Americans last had a weekend.
Why can’t it be Friday?, continued the report.
The study also found that this day – the day of Tuesday – might just be the longest day ever, even though it boasts no more hours than the other six days that represent a calendar week. That said, every time Americans look at the clock it just seems like no time has gone by at all; gosh darn it!
In a convoluted twist, however, the report also went on to reveal that Holy Sweet Jesus it’s already nearly Christmas.