In a series of speeches the newly announced presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann blasted popular websites such as Google and Wikipedia for causing the slow economic recovery as pawns in President Obama’s grand plan for “turning our country into a nation of slaves.”
Ms. Bachmann believes “that our nation has been focusing far too much on fact, basically ignoring my firery rhetoric and firece looks. Sites like Google and Wikipedia have made it far to easy to fact check and it simply is not fair.”
She adds “How can anyone trust a politician when they can so readily find out when she is lying or confused.” In the scenario laid out by Ms. Bachmann the distrust would trickle down from the politicians at the top of the public sector through the private sector eliminating investor confidence and killing jobs.
Instead of verifiable facts Ms. Bachmann says the nations attention should be focused on three key factors when considering her candidacy for President.
Number one: I am a serious woman running for president, and as such no matter how much it appears that I am anti-women’s rights by supporting a ban on abortion even in the case of rape or incest….I’m not…you’re all just confused. More importantly I am a woman running against a black man and last time that happened the black guy won (that is if you consider Hillary Clinton a woman, which after her humanizing comments on hand bags, I definitely do). One might say its time for a woman to lead, although I wouldn’t because anything other than a patriarchal society is banned in the bible and belongs to the realm of the devil.
Number two: I am pretty hot for a mom of 28, maybe I would be nicer to look at than the ever greying Obama. I mean at this point if he grew a beard we could call him President Dumbledor, although I wouldn’t because Harry Potter supports witch craft, which belongs to the realm of the devil.
Number three: I am not away on jury duty an unavailable for comment so I’m de facto Tea Party figure head, although I wouldn’t call myself that because a figure head could sound too some people like an idol, which belongs to the realm of the devil along with stimulus packages, evolution, solar power, gay marriage, federal mandates, Mormons, climate science, and the minimum wage.
The next days will be informative ones, the Bachmann camp has been distributing software to blocks facts from showing up on the Internet, sales of the software might very well be the best indicator of support. Insiders agree that if more than 1 million copies sell she will replace Mitt Romney as the Republican front runner.
Right on.