Top 15 Tips to Surviving Office Life

Everyone knows how stressful an office environment can be. Work can be hard enough without having to deal with co-workers and office equipment. But the hits just keep on coming, and the hours seem longer and longer. The following list contains 15 pointers that will help you survive your days at the office.

TOP 15 OFFICE SURVIVAL TIPS

1: No matter how much the printer might frustrate you, do not yell at it. It can’t hear you.

2: Just because you don’t like doing it, doesn’t mean it’s not part of your job.

3: If you’re not sure what someone is saying when they’re talking, it’s probably best not to try to correct them on anything they just said.

4: If you’re tired and a coworker says, “Here, take this. It’ll keep you awake.” Just say no… Trust me and too many more to even mention on this one.

5: If you can’t put it into a PowerPoint presentation, no one will care about it. If you can, however banal it is, you’ll see a note about your “exceptional effort” at your next review.

6: When someone hits “Reply to All” on an email, and then another person does it, and another, and so on… don’t hit “Reply to All” to tell them to stop. Once you do, you’ll have then become everything you despise in this world.

7: Don’t talk to your coworkers about how you think the phone cord on your desk would be a real effective device to strangle someone with. Also, don’t demonstrate it.

8: After using the paper cutter, always be sure to put the blade down. Someone could trip and cut their arm off, which is good, but it might end up being you.

9: When signing a birthday card for a coworker’s birthday, be sure not to give the card to that coworker to sign. It’s viewed as insensitive.

10: You know that feeling you get when you think someone is watching you? Well someone is watching you… it’s your boss, and maybe also his/her boss too… also your nosy co-workers.

11: Office pranks are only funny until someone gets hurt. Then they’re hilarious.

12: Do not bring a week’s worth of food to store in the communal fridge, and clean it out whenever you’re done with it. You don’t want to be fridge-zero in a new superbug outbreak.

13: Every office has that guy that everyone makes fun of behind his back. Don’t be that guy. Otherwise, you’ll be that guy.

14: If you ever start a sentence with “Actually”, then people will label you as a “know it all”.

15: The stapler is meant to staple pieces of paper together, not to shoot staples at your enemies whom you view as secret ninjas.

Did you enjoy this story? If you did, say so in the comments and we’ll work up our second set of office survival tips for you, which is already underway.

Author: Josh Gillam

I'm a 27 year old veteran with a bad back and anger problems. I enjoy writing comedy material and have written episodes for the internet cartoon, "Who Cares?" and wrote and directed the majority of the comedy sketches for Milkbox Children Productions. I have learned to channel my frustration with the media and my overly sarcastic point of views into satire writing. Which turns out is the perfect outlet for an outspoken individual that wants to make people smile while they think. I am currently working on a children's book and a book about urban legends in Indiana.