Mark Meadows Vows House Freedom Caucus Will Support Wall Funding

Senator Explains There Are “Other Options” To Sink This Bill (And All Others Like It)

Washington, DC- House Freedom Caucus(HFC) Chairman Mark Meadows (R-NC) told reporters that members of the HFC would not block President Trump’s request for an additional $5 Billion in funding to build a wall along the southern border, on Wednesday.
The support of the HFC comes on the heals of a televised showdown on Tuesday involving the President, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and Vice President Mike Pence, as the two apposing factions sat down to discuss compromiseThe House Freedom Caucus supports the Presidents request for full funding of a southern wall, in every way, shape or form… except with regards to an actual pledge of our votes. As conservatives, we are trained to look at any large scale government funding project with a degree of cynicism, but in the instance of keeping non-English speakers out of the country, I think we can imply that we’re willing to make an exception,” Meadows told reporters from the steps of Congress.

House Freedom Caucus Chairman Mark Meadows(R-NC) Pictured in his official congressional photo.

“Ultimately, members of the Freedom Caucus will vote this down if Speaker Ryan (R-WI) brings it to a vote, likely on the grounds of something immigration related. Perhaps we will say that this Bill doesn’t go far enough towards border security, and demand that the amount must be doubled for our support, or we’ll say it doesn’t go far enough in punishing illegals already in this country. It’s hard to say until we officially issue our statement after the Bill has been shot down.”
“Obviously, we have other options when it comes to blocking this thing. Even though we support what this bill represents, we cannot actually support it with our votes. We remaining Tea Partiers are a dedicated bunch of disciplined obstructionists, and we excel at getting in the way of progress whenever we get the chance. We want the President to know that this time, it isn’t him… it’s us.”
When asked by by reporters whether or not there was anyway Meadows would urge the other 33 members of his Caucus to support a wall funding package, the Senator was less than coy. “If the President makes me his Chief of Staff it would go a long way towards our support, and I know that Jim Jordan (R-OH) has made repeated efforts to have a personal conversation with the President, thus far to no avail. If I had to come up with some demands off the top of my head, I would say that the President could also withdraw his support for the Criminal Justice Reform Bill, and re-examine whether or not he wants to sign that Farm Bill without additional restrictions towards food-stamp recipients. Those four things would go a long way towards our support. We’ll have to see what the President does moving forward.”
Meadows was elected to the House of Representatives in 2012 as part of the Tea Party wave that led to a Republican Majority in the House of Representative beginning in 2013. He has failed numerous times to gain a leadership position within the Republican Party. With President Trump’s recent declaration that he would own the government shutdown if it were to occur, these demands, which less than a month ago seemed to be far-fetched, now seem like they may provide Meadows with an opportunity to move up in the party.
This story is ongoing.

Author: Fort Nag

Ft. Nag is a poet and speculative satirist who lives in Sacramento, CA.

2 thoughts on “Mark Meadows Vows House Freedom Caucus Will Support Wall Funding

  1. How bout we just build walls around our cities like they did back in the days of antiquity. We can have soldiers (Err, I mean Border Enforcement Officers) with boiling oil stand at the ramparts and douse those pesky immigrants whenever they get close. Rather then spending our resources developing effective tech solutions like improved surveillance, sensor and drone technology (that can be used in police and military applications, and that we can sell to other countries for similar applications) we should continue to look for the most expensive, least inventive ways to solve our problems. What’s next… “America Reverts to Coal Power Because… What’s Good For Grandma In 1953, Is Good For Me in 2018.”

  2. Senator Mark Meadows;
    Hello, my name is Marla Tuesley and I am a Republican from Washington State.
    I am writing to you with a suggestion to please open a Go Fund Me account for the wall. This way private citizens can give and are able watch the amount grow. We want our wall NOW!!!

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