Categorized | Top Stories

Instagram ‘Male Feminist’ Lauds His Flat-Chested Girlfriend for Not Getting Breast Implants

Instagram ‘Male Feminist’ Lauds His Flat-Chested Girlfriend for Not Getting Breast Implants

A leading Instagram Feminist (sic) from the “Male Community” (as his college classmates call it) has recently ended up on the wrong side of the Female Community.

Pastor Wankie McFuckface-Haggis of the New Critical Life and Justice College, Colorado Springs, recently enthused:

Oh, my gosh! Would you just look at the tits on that!

Ya would tap it… Wouldn’t ya!

OMG, I seriously can’t believe all these fake ass busty women with their explosive mammary glands; would you honestly want one of those things wrapped around your neck?

I mean, c’mon! Are you for real, bitch?!

Ha! LOL-JK! Just joking, sweetheart! I mean, come on now, honeybuckles!

No REAL woman would ever, EVER  lower and degrade herself by having some kind of promiscuously plunging neckline.

See, for me, a REAL woman has nice flat titsickles, like they just been ironed out. Har har! I mean, why have jumbo sausages or greasy-ass ghost-chilli burgers when you can have lean chicken instead, ‘n’ shit like that?!

Ohhhh, I literally have NO IDEA why these pretentious big-tit bitches are trying to make flat-chested girls like mine feel inferior! See, to me, this baby o’ mine has such a perfect figure, no matter what these snobby fake-ee-o-melon-ass curvewipe-trappy-traps be sayin’!

I really hate the way rich cis straight Anglo-Saxon Christian male American power makes women conform to these unrealistic busty shapes; like Beyonce, or Nicki Minaj, or whatever the white equivalent of these stupid wenches is.

Hell, my babe is so gorgeous, that despite being a full 4 inches (ha!) shorter than me, I still love her in spite of all her imperfections… er, in spite of what assholes and bad guys and players say about her!

You know, when we’re we’re having a bit o’ Boomtime Tittyshake, or even getting full-blown down ‘n’ dirty, I even let her get on top. I call her the Pocket Rocket!

Ha-haaaaa, don’t you be blushin’ now, darlin’! Ohhhh, you can only BUT IMAGINE imagine how cute my thaaeeeng is, when she pretends to get angry, with all these aching SEXY nicknames I give her! Wuh-HOO! Owch-a-fricken-doodle, bitches!

Ya know, it’s about time we realized that actually, believe it or not, every woman should have the God-given right to her own body, and not be judged by all these wrong kinda, y’know, privileged white guys, with their stupid online accounts. And their tone-deaf, self-oblivious comments!

Meanwhile, all these here busty bitches who be collaborating with the patriarchy, with their unfair ideas of feminine beauty… Fuckin’ idiots! These freakin’ spineless dames make me feel so weak and small sometimes; so, anyone who makes my girl feel bad will have me to answer to! You’d better believe it! Don’t you dare ever, ever, EVER once cross me, you freakin’ morons!

A chorus of condemnation immediately followed.

A brief, mildly passive-aggressive follow-up comment said:

Look, my intentions were perfectly pure and noble…

And that’s all that matters!

I swear I didn’t mean to embarrass my girl.

Sorry if she was embarrassed!

I mean, well hey ladies… Sorry if you were offended! I’m sure you’ll get over, huh?

Oh and by the way…

STFU AND STOP HAMMERING DOWN ON ME, WHEN I’M ACTUALLY TRYING TO HELP YOU!

YOU’LL BE SORRY WHEN I’M FINALLY GONE!

AND ANYWAYS…

BUT I’M YOUR ALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

We haven’t heard from him since.

Nor indeed, it seems, has anyone who knew him.

Roughly since an hour after he posted the latter comment.

Anyone got some info on what might have happened to him?

Or any reasonably informed speculations?

It’s your call!

Leave your comments below. You never know, some of you might have an idea of what’s going on here.

 

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 414 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Currently co-editing Glossy News (under the webmaster, Brian K. White). Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! wallacerunnymede@gmail.com w_runnymede (Twitter) See my Facebook page as well: https://www.facebook.com/Wallace-Runnymede-125963814655515/ And my book serials: http://glossynews.com/author/wallacebooks/ You can by my ebooks from many stores, including Amazon. https://www.facebook.com/Wallace-Runnymede-125963814655515/

.

Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!







More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

DHgate.com



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial