Baywatch Parody: Scientists and Evolutionary Psychology

Some students live in the Dark Ages
Contemptuous of the Enlightenment!
Some students need somebody to help them
Get over this postmodern bulls***

So don’t you flunk now,
You’re gonna be a genius
For science is interesting
And you need a more groundbreaking thesis!

I’ll be clever
He’ll be clever!
Just get educated
Now don’t you sneer
I’ll be clever
Forever and always
You know my language is clear!

Don’t play off instinct and reason,
Human nature’s not metaphysics, ya see!
You have the intellect to make a credible theory
So the Deriddeans can G-T-F-me!

So please don’t get bored now,
You’re gonna be a genius!
Evo-psych is the truth
Even if its theories are all founded on penis!

You’ll be clever
You’ll be clever!
Educate your peers
Now don’t you sneer
I’ll be clever
Forever and always: You know my language is clear!

Science is not just a language-game
It’s more serious than anything known
Foucault is junk, and Adorno is worse
And poststructuralism’s a pedant side-show!

So don’t get defensive now,
You’re gonna be a genius!
Cos the trash in humanities
Is just a glass-bead game of convenience!

We’ll be clever
We’ll all be clever!
Joyfully drunk like beer
Better theories are here
We’ll be clever
Forever and always: You know my language is clear!


Originally published at
Image attribution:
Elliott & Fry [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!