Categorized | Health, Top Stories

Male Sperm Counts Lower; Women Blamed

Male Sperm Counts Lower; Women Blamed

Researchers from Israel, The US, Denmark and Australia have reported that male sperm counts have declined 60% in the past 40 years and claim that women simply aren’t doing enough to give their man a good, hard stiffie.

“We have ruled out pesticides, smoking, stress, body mass index and all other factors”, said the journal Reproductive Update. “Our conclusion is that men just don’t feel as turned on”.

“It’s important for a man to get properly stimulated to achieve a higher sperm count”, the journal continued. “If the woman has a ‘whatever’ attitude toward sex the man will not get properly aroused and sperm production will decline”.

The researchers also stated that if sperm counts continue to decline the entire human race could be in jeopardy.

The only way to save humanity is for women to dress more provocatively. Some suggestions to increase sperm counts and save the human race are shorter skirts, fishnet stockings, thong style panties, ben wa balls, flavored condoms and ‘talking dirty’.

“There’s nothing worse than having her just lay there during sex”, the journal explained. “Move! Shake it! Do what you have to do to stimulate your male partner to produce more sperm!”

The researchers also explained that maintaining fitness is crucial to both males and females. “Flabby bodies and sagging breasts will not help improve sperm count”, the journal stated.

One researcher suggested a global “Let’s Get Horny” campaign to change the course of this worldwide epidemic.

“My sperm count is rising just thinking about it!” the researcher stated.


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Is it REALLY all that important that you know my biography? Do you want to know the litany of women I have slept with? Do you need to know where I work or what I do for a living? Is there something about my life you can't bear not knowing? PERV!!!


One Response to “Male Sperm Counts Lower; Women Blamed”

  1. Kanye West says:

    I concur it’s women’s fault. I did some research to prove it. Cause I’m a genius. First I dressed my dick up in a blond wig, made a beauty spot with a Sharpie and painted a perky smile on it so it looked like Cindy Crawford and emitted a gazillion sperm. I COUNTED THEM DAMMIT! It was a gazillion.

    Then I put some dreadlocks on it, and some round glasses so it looked like Whoopi Goldberg and my dick sucked it all back in.



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