Devastating Campaign Trail Interview: Hillary ‘Misspeaks’ Over Links to Wall Street

Hillary Clinton is renowned for her talents in the highly competitive artistic fields of evasive and equivocal rhetoricmongering. How did she react recently when I grilled her about her ties to Wall Street?

Wall Street? Uh, excuse me, but we’re going to have to define our terms here. [Aside]: And by ‘we,’ I mean ‘me…’ ohhh, shit! It’s not really working this time, is it??

You know, all these big banks you are receiving money from?

Well, first of all, how do you define ‘big?’

$10? 100? 1000? Even a few dozen trillions?

Now look, we’re really not going to get anywhere if you’re going to just persist in carelessly throwing around all these vague and emotive rhetorical abstractions like ‘big,’ without making clear what the primary topic of contention is.

Secondly, what kind of ‘banks’ are actually at issue here?

Lending banks?

Saving banks?

Worthless, fiscally inexpedient, vicious-superpredator-enablement banks?

Dark internet private server data banks?

And by the way, are we looking at banks that primarily have a presence in the US, or something on a more global scale?

Would Milton Friedman approve of these banks?

Would Ludwig von Mises disapprove?

And most importantly of all, who decides?

Look, just cut the crap and tell us if Wall Street are trying to influence your campaign.

Well… I guess it depends on what ‘influence’ is.

Oh, for God’s sake! Would you just quit meandering and tell us if Wall Street…

Oh, oh well do excuse me, now just you wait a minute there, young man! Less of your coded sexism, if you don’t mind!

Now, um, ah, er… ‘Wall… Street?’

Now, there’s a certain school of thought that may well suggest that the phrase you have appeared to use may have, if you want to put it that way, certain oxymoronic implications, if you will. How can the same object simultaneously be both a ‘wall’ and a ‘street?’

On the plus side, this sub-Buchananesque word-choppy tomfoolery doesn’t seem to have harmed Clinton’s campaign for 2016.


Because by now, curiously enough, the end of the Clinton Dynasty appears to be a dead cert!

So everybody together, one last time (and how!):

What difference does it make?!

 

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