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The Righteous Make Sure Message of Hate Not Lost on Disaster Victims

The Righteous Make Sure Message of Hate Not Lost on Disaster Victims

Andy Wass stands in a rubble pile that was recently his living room and makes stabbing motions at the sky with the pink flyer he holds in his work gloved hand. Andy is laughing. “Says here ‘God punishes Fag Lovers.’ Strange, but I’ve been living around here all my life; no Gay Pride parades yet.”

A short, muscular man of perhaps thirty, Wass lets the paper fall from his hand and looks toward the horizon. In every direction it seems as if the town has been carpet bombed. “I guess they usually stuff their flyers under windshield wipers. My car’s across the street upside down with an oak tree on top of it. So they stuck their paper in what’s left of my kid’s swing set.”

Andy reaches into the debris and retrieves a sports trophy that somehow remains in perfect condition. A peaceful expression crosses his face for a brief moment. “Yeah, crammed their flyer in my kid’s swing set. You know, a tornado doesn’t have a brain. Whoever put those flyers all over town, they knew kids lived here. Did they even pause to wonder if my kids had been killed in the storms? Did they hope my kids were dead?”

Those seemingly rhetorical questions resonate far beyond a former living room in rural Indiana, and strike at the very heart of Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, KS. It is there, at the International Headquarters of the ‘God Hates Fags’ movement, the shadow of schism has reared its head, threatening to divide a close knit congregation of dozens.

Church organist Cindy Phelps Hargrove, while confident the Lord is at work anytime an American dies, speaks in whispers as she confesses confusion about the Creator’s targets.
“It’s not for me to question you understand, but I can’t help wondering. Why wouldn’t the Lord just clean out San Francisco instead? Could God maybe be starting to have Alzheimers? Cause that’d be really bad.”

Youth Leader Tim Phelps admits recent events have caused some doubts, but is quick to point out his cousin is a lousy musician and nobody’s ever really liked her. “God moves in mysterious ways. Now these people in Indiana? It’s quite possible they’re all closeted homosexuals; that’d be my guess. Likely that’s why the death toll wasn’t higher.
When tornadoes are around, in the closet is safest place to be.”

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I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don’t make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.


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12 Responses to “The Righteous Make Sure Message of Hate Not Lost on Disaster Victims”

  1. cb says:

    Westboro Baptist Church spreads its hate through picketing in our streets, provoking attacks, with abusive language and flag desecration, attempting to create a confrontation. This is not a church, this is a hate group. This is not about protesting, freedom, or God. They are in it for the money and the press; this is a family law firm. They are not a “church.” It is a scam. They go after anything that can get them in the news. This is a family of lawyers using this “god hates you” thing to make money. It is time for this scam and the hate to end.
    The church has received money from lawsuits and legal fees. For example, they sued the city of Topeka several times in the 1990s(this show has been going on for years). WBC received $16,500, and is pursuing another $100,000, in legal fees for a case won in court. The WBC is considered a nonprofit organization by the federal government, and is therefore exempt from paying taxes!
    Phelps-Roper of the Westboro Baptist Church is shown admitting on camera that her oldest son was born out of wedlock. Hypocritical Phelps-Roper’s vocal condemnation on strangers having sexual congress outside of marriage while she herself was guilty of the same. They are NOT what they say they are!! THEY ARE NOT A CHURCH!!!

  2. P. Beckert says:

    I’m sure there have been a few ‘slip and fall’ cases successfully litigated as well, whether or not they were valid.

  3. rfreed says:

    Very good, right on and pertinent, LB.

    And thanks for the insightful comment CB. It is always good to know about these things.
    The Devil gets in everywhere, they say, including churches.

  4. P. Beckert says:

    Well, yah…where else is ole Beelzebub gonna find his sinners?

  5. Kilroy says:

    Actually, I have it on good authority that Beelzebub finds his sinners on Facebook.

  6. P. Beckert says:

    Anyone specifically?

  7. Kilroy says:

    I can’t tell you or my profile will disappear. Then Zuckerberg will ravish my farm…oops did I say that out loud?

  8. P. Beckert says:

    Surely, not the sheep….say no more.

  9. BobZaguy says:

    Hello is this the home of sheep?

  10. Kilroy says:

    Actually sheep chew. Cud.

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