No New York Times on Sunday Bigger Disaster than Hurricane Irene

As Hurricane Irene barrels up the eastern seaboard toward New York, many wonder how New Yorkers will fare once hit by a category 1 hurricane, the likes of which they’ve not seen in years.

Hurricane Irene is giving us an up-close-and-personal view of just what New Yorkers fear most if the storm does, indeed, hit them full on. Are they worried about losing electricity? Not having enough water or food? Losing their living space?

“Not really,” says Irene Weinstein (‘no relation to the storm,’ she quipped). We New Yorkers are tough. We can take just about anything.” Impressed by her fortitude, this reporter asked Irene then exactly what may bring down herself and fellow New Yorkers.

“Off the top of my head, I’d say not having the Sunday New York Times delivered to our door. I, personally, have been doing the crossword for almost 40 years straight, missing one edition only when my husband suffered a heart attack around 5 a.m. on a Sunday morning last June,” she said. “Selfish bastard,” she added jokingly. “He could have taken a couple of aspirin and waited till Monday to go to the hospital.”

Irene claims that most of her friends build their whole Sunday mornings around the Times. “A double latte, some bagels and lox, the Times–it doesn’t get any better than that,” she sighed. “I’m honestly worried that some of my friends just aren’t going to make it without their beloved Sunday paper.”

Asked if there was anything else beside the Times that New Yorkers were going to have a hard time going without, Irene told us, “Well, yeah, of course. I heard my favorite deli just down the street is boarding up for the storm. Wish I would have known that ahead of time so that I could stock up on some pastrami and a loaf of Jewish rye. They make the best pastrami in New York. At least someone is going to eat well during the storm—selfish bastards.”

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at ISaidLaughDammit.blogspot.com.