UN Official Fired – For Telling Truth

The top UN official recently fired from his post for the unforgivable crime of telling the truth and criticising Afghanistan’s presidential election has publicly castigated the entire UN mission in the country. Peter Galbraith informed the Neo-Colonial Gazette the $300 zillion per annum mission – employing several thousand personnel – is now “leaderless” and summed up the UN special envoy as an ‘egoistic dog wanker’.

But Galbraith’s real felo-de-se was accusing the top UN official – and his immediate boss – Norwegian Mr Koi Carp Shuttlecock of failing to act upon evidence of electoral fraud.

Conversely Mr Shuttlecock responded by claiming he had the full backing of the international community and the Kabul and UN and US administrations – who were also determined to keep a lid on the dodgy election results and all evidence of ballot-rigging and voter intimidation by Afghan President Hamid Kami-Karzai’s ‘Fill Yer Pockets’ party.

“I feel that Galbraith is on a personal campaign of political career suicide if he wishes to maintain this stupid policy of going around telling the truth. This is not what international politics is all about,” Shuttlecock informed a reporter from Scumbags Weekly Review.

Insider snitches working in the UN’s ‘Grassers Division’ state Secretary General Ban Ki-moon shit kittens and turned a horrible apoplectic purple when he was informed Galbraith – the UN’s specially appointed election watchdog – was going around Kabul gobbing off to foreign correspondents – and everyone else and their dog – that the entire election was a stage-managed farce and Kami-Karzai should be hoofed out of office.

While the election has been overshadowed by widespread allegations of cheating, according to EU election observers alone approximately 15 million votes – about half of all ballots cast in August’s presidential vote – were definitely fraudulent.

Apparently Galbraith angered – and insulted – Afghan President Kami-Karzai personally by reportedly calling for a complete recount of the vote.

While the dodgy Afghan Election Commission declared Kami-Karzai the winner with a majority of 32 million votes – Galbraith apparently transgressed the unwritten rule by publicly broadcasting the fact this was a miraculous achievement in a country that has a total population of 28 million – including the children – and goats.

One snitch in the UN’s New York HQ communications centre related “Once it became clear to Herr Shutlecock – the UN’s Head of Mission in Afghanistan – that this evidence would be harmful to his very good friend President Kami-Karzai, he informed the Secretary-General, who then ordered Herr Galbraith fired with extreme prejudice.”

The UN’s in-house weekly magazine ‘Gobstoppers’ also rejected Peter Galbraith’s accusations, stating public debate about the legitimacy of the election results or the UN’s credibility in Afghanistan was highly undesirable – especially so from a ‘critical truth-telling perspective’.

The numpty editorial piece further stated “We’re trying to do as much as we can to specify what the UN role exactly was in the first place – and what the UN role is supposed to achieve now we’ve been made a laughing stock over the recent election fiasco.”

It might be well to clarify that Galbraith is no novice political wheeler-dealer – or foreign policy diplomat – but one well practiced globally and always in those ubiquitous conflict zones the US seems to stir up like a hornet’s nest wherever it puts its sticky paws.

He is however one of those most rare and endangered species – an honest man – who unfortunately for his own career good follows the philosophy that truth does not fear the light of day – nor investigation – and has the bad habit of telling the truth – in its unadulterated form – when and where it’s not wanted.

Not exactly the desired visa to have stamped in your passport to social and political establishment acceptance – more so when he resigned from the US government in 2003 to write the highly acclaimed and critical tome : ‘Iraq – How American Incompetence Created a War Without End’.

Bravo, Senor Galbraith – keep up the good works – ‘un bel domani’.