Since learning of Phil Harris’ death a few weeks ago, sociologists from U.C. Berkeley have been working feverishly to complete a lengthy report on life — and more importantly, death — in the 49th state. Today, they published their preliminary findings. Read the full story

A small coven of women were paraded naked, beaten with sticks of rhubarb and forced to eat human excrement by superstitious villagers after being branded as witches in India’s remote northern Moronland province.

Police chief Ramjam Jaffacake told a reporter from the Ducking Stool Gazette that the victims were Muslim widows who had been labelled as witches by a local Hindu fakir – Ragtat Gaga – after he saw them riding broomsticks and fornicating with a ‘man-goat’ in a dream the previous night. Read the full story