Tag Archive | "whales"

Popular Orca Handling Preacher Dies From Whale Bite


Cult orca handler and rider Pastor Jamie Coots died early Friday morning after being bitten in half by a killer whale during a non sanctioned religious service at Sea World. The ardent Pentecostal minister preached whales will not harm true believers if they are anointed by God. The practice is illegal in most states but still goes on primarily in cities with ocean-themed amusement parks. Read the full story

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Save the Whales VS Save the Seals Turns Violent


The Save the Whales and Save the Seals organizations squared off today in a violent confrontation that threatens to destroy both organizations.

Save the Seals spokesperson Sheila Gruber said the problem is, whales eat seals. By trying to save the whales they are destroying the entire seal population.

Meanwhile, Save the Whales spokesperson Jason Marlette claims the Save the Seals people are trying to starve the whales to death.

“We must get rid of those nasty whales to prevent our beloved seals from becoming extinct!” Gruber stated.

“I might suggest those stupid seals just start reproducing at a faster rate so the Orca can have some food!” Marlette retorted.

At this point Gruber and Marlette started fist fighting and smashing signs over the others head. Gruber gained the upper hand when she poked Marlette in the eye with a pamphlet. Other members of the two organizations joined in and a melee ensued resulting in broken bones, bruises and bloodshed as police officers were called in.

“We have arrested the two spokespeople from the different organizations”, police sergeant John Malley stated to the press.

Each organization said they would sue the other.

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