Akron, Ohio – GlossyNews.com – Ralph McFarden spent thirty years in the Sacramento sewer system. The waste engineer reportedly had a long and satisfying career with the Akron Waste Management Department before finally retiring to his modest home overlooking the North Akron Shopping Plaza last Monday. But fate had a nasty trick up its sleeve for this quiet pensioner. Read the full story

PACIFIC OCEAN, 135° to 155°W (GlossyNews) — Entrepreneurs worldwide are being lured by the siren call of opportunity rising from the Pacific. The middle of the Pacific Ocean, that is.

The multinational realty conglomerate, Glutton Realty, has purchased the vortex of marine litter in the central North Pacific Ocean known as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. The company plans to convert the trash into a new mega-island. With more acreage than the state of Texas at their disposal, speculators anticipate selling these “premium” tropical parcels at astronomical prices. Read the full story

Cambridge MA (GlossyNews) — Scientists in a leading institute of technology announced this week that they are making headway into a bold new way to store radioactive waste. Stepping back from creating huge ‘landfills’ of radioactive waste, two scientists are taking a different approach.

The scientists — physicist Dr Hugo Green, and photocytologist Dr Melvin Wirths, APS, decided it would be easier — and safer — to store the radioactive waste in tiny, microscopic amounts. An added benefit — it will make your yard look better! Read the full story

Interstate 35W Bridge in Minneapolis, MN — Yes, you got it right! Gov. Sarah Palin was on the scene for the grand opening of the I35W bridge that really does go somewhere. “It is kind of on the cutting edge. It’s wonderful. What a beautiful bridge. It’s terrific.” she said. Her smile seemed slightly forced, as this bridge was build for far less money than her bridge was budgeted for, but never got built. The numbers: $230+ million in Minnesota vs. $400+ million in Alaska. Read the full story

Secret Labour stealth taxes – rumoured to have been conjoured and drafted by old rodent features himself – Lord Peter Scandalson – aka Vermin in Ermine – are geared up to be imposed on millions of homes and totally bankrupt the middle classes in the process after the no-hoper dead duck government supposedly sweep the ballot in the next General Election. Read the full story