Tag Archive | "United States"

Trump Agrees to Return Alaska to Russia


In a clever, sage move by president elect Donald Trump, Alaska will be returned to Russia on January 21st, 2017. “We stole these lands and they have to go back to their rightful owners.”

The United States purchased Alask from Russia in 1867 for the staggering sum of $7.2 million. Russia had territorial claim, but no real settlement, so the transfer was seen as a win-win, unaware of the future geo-political implications.

“We don’t even use it,” said Trump. “What’s it for? Sure there’s some oil and penguins up there, but they aren’t like us. Just because you’re Nanook doesn’t mean you live in my north.” Read the full story

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UN Demands That United States Drop ‘United’ From Their Name


The UN Council has put forth a petition demanding that the United States of America drop the term ‘United’ from their name due to the partisan bickering between conservative and liberal elements that has divided the nation.

Chief UN Spokesman Igo Monkeyfat has declared “The name ‘United States of America’ is no longer an accurate or true description of the country.

For a decade now the infighting in America has so torn apart the country that it barely functions as a regulating body. We at the UN now state that this name must be dropped in favor of one that more adequately describes the nation known as ‘America’.” Read the full story

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