While we have yet to verify our sources, we feel it would be irresponsible not to report this shocking rumor as it’s been reported to us. Is it true that the golf legend Tiger Woods has been having an intimate affair with rock neo-icon Adam Lambert of American Idol fame? More on this story as it develops, or fails to.

Tiger Woods, in a typical display of celebrity pout and unqualified arrogance, continues to refuse to be interviewed by police officers investigating the five mile per hour catastrophic vehicle accident that occurred directly outside his exclusive suburban Egoville mansion near Orlando, Florida when his Cadillac Escalade SUV was in a series of collisions with a #9 iron golf club. Read the full story

Tiger Woods just announced that he is pulling out of the golf season early, citing injuries received in his recent fender bender. He won’t be attending his own Chevron World Challenge Tournament in California.

Sources close to Tiger state that no, it’s not marital woes, it’s not the fact that he doesn’t want to play publicity any more for a while, and it isn’t because women are coming out of the woodwork to hitch a ride on the Tiger-mobile. Said one spokesperson, “What it really boils down to is Tiger’s distaste for long sleeves.” Evidently, with the ensuing cold weather ahead even in California, Tiger just feels too constrained to wear anything other than short sleeves while golfing and is therefore willing to risk a bit of his future earnings to wait until spring, when he can again, play the game in nothing more than a pair of shorts and a polo.

Whew, that’s a relief. We thought it was something way more serious.