TIMBUKTU, Mali – In early 2008, an official at the U.S. Department of Homeland Security sent a report to his superiors detailing the most significant development in aircraft usage since 2001: al Qaeda has been operating a rogue aviation network. Francis Baldhamer, the official who issued the report, also noted that this increased competition, which promises fares much lower than U.S. airlines, threatens to weaken the already faltering transportation industry. Read the full story

Washington DC (GlossyNews) — The US Transportation Security Administration today announced effective February 1, 2010, the Administration will take the word “Security” out of its title, becoming simply the US Transportation Administration.

The official spokesman for the Administration, Roger ‘ Pink ‘ Floyd, told the Glossy News this morning, “The whole security thing is a lot harder than we originally thought. We think it is just beyond the scope of services we can offer at this time.” Read the full story

President Barack Obama announced yesterday that he would ask the Department of Homeland Security to investigate an alarming rise in GPS malfunctions. Although he stopped short of suggesting a link between terrorists and the rash of travelers who wound up as many as five hundred miles off course after following aggressive GPS instructions, the president said that such incidents could undermine America’s economic recovery. Read the full story

President Obama today announced that in line with the Rothshite Zionist-dictated edict that the United States is not allowed a Middle East or foreign policy separate from – or in conflict with – Israel’s, he will be dispatching an additional 30,000 troops to Afghanistan to reinforce the ones those nasty Taliban keep snuffing. Read the full story

Despite of all the controversy, bureaucratic waste of money, and the violation of personal rights, privacy, dignity, and freedom, why do we still need Homeland Security in America?

“Every year, 475 million people, 125 million vehicles, and 21 million import shipments come into our country at 3,700 terminals in 301 entry ports. It takes 5 hours to inspect a fully loaded 40 foot shipping container. More than 5 million of them enter each year. Read the full story

Deep in the Mountains of Pakistan: Osama Bin Laden gave a rare press interview today to BSNE and other members of the international media. Commenting on the Obama Administration’s decision to try the mastermind of the 9-11 Attacks, Khalid Sheik Mohammed, in civilian court in New York City; a near giddy Bin Laden announced, “The terrorists Win!” Read the full story

Washington, DC: President Obama was quick to urge calm today in the wake of the Fort Hood Massacre. In his remarks, the President urged Americans “to wait until all the facts are in” before drawing conclusions as to the motives of the assailant, Army Major Nidel Malik Hasan. Read the full story

Foreign Secretary David Millipede once again stuck his foot ankle deep in the brown smelly stuff yesterday by publicly declaring that there were circumstances in which terrorism was justifiable. Read the full story