Tag Archive | "Television"

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Is there too much sex on TV? (Part 1)


Announcer: Fictional TV shows are often criticized for having too much sex on them. Dick and Janey, talks show hosts of “Yucky World”, will be discussing this issue with network programmer Seymour Dooless.

Janey: Our topic for today asks the question “Is there too much sex on TV?” This program may not be appropriate for children. Parental discretion is advised.

Dick: Has it gone that far?

Janey: Has what gone where?

Dick: You know…

Janey: Speak up, Dick!

Dick: Sex…

Janey: Yes?

Dick: …on television.

Janey: That depends on what you mean by “how far”?

Dick: Sounds like a question from my last date.

Janey: You’re dating?

Dick: Well, it was actually a blind date.

Janey: And?

Dick: She asked me how far I wanted to go.

Janey: And you said…

Dick: That I didn’t want to leave the county.

Janey: Oh-kay, Dick. Mr. Dooless, is there more sex on TV?

Dooless: Yes, but we think that’s what’s happening in real life, too.

Janey: There was an episode on “How I Met Your Mother” where one of the main characters achieved his goal of a “perfect week” by having sex with seven different women. Do you think that’s real life?

As a teen in the late 80s, this was about as hot as it got on television.

As a teen in the late 80s, this was about as hot as it got on television.

Dooless: Well, you know, TV characters aren’t your average people.

Janey: But they’re watched by average people.

Dick: And their kids.

Janey: Who may not see the real life consequences of all this sexual activity.

Dick: A Rand study found that teens who watched racy TV shows were much more likely to become pregnant than those who didn’t watch those shows.

Dooless: Fictional television stories aren’t real. We’re not responsible for what happens in real life.

Janey: You may have just said the key words, Mr. Dooless.

Dooless: Really? What were they?

Janey: “Not responsible”.

Dick: How about influential? Do you see TV shows as influencing people’s lives?

Dooless: We provide entertainment for people.

Janey: You will admit that sponsors buy advertising time to try to influence the audience to buy their products.

Dooless: Sure, but that’s different. Products advertised on TV are real. Therefore, they can be influential and have real life consequences.

Janey: But fictional TV shows are…

Dooless: Unreal!

Janey: I think we’d better break for a commercial. This whole conversation is beginning to seem awfully unreal.

Dick: That’s what my blind date said about me.

Janey: That you were unreal?

Dick: Right! And my mother even agreed with her.

Janey: Your mother?

Dick: Yeah. She was in the backseat with a map of the county.

Oh yeah, that's the stuff. She's distorted as hell and probably looks like that in real life, but this sad travesty was the reality kids had to work with before the internet made adult themes ubiquitous and effortless to find.

Oh yeah, that’s the stuff. She’s distorted as hell and probably looks like that in real life, but this sad travesty was the reality kids had to work with before the internet made adult themes ubiquitous and effortless to find.

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Physicist Detects Origin of CBS Hit “The Big Bang Theory”


CAMBRIDGE, MA – This week physicist Dr. George H. Gebbins finally pinpointed the very beginning of what has been called The Big Bang Theory, thanks to the detection of essentially a beam of light that has been traveling the universe for years.

“I’ve been following The Big Bang Theory for some time now, since I first heard it discussed around the dinner table at Thanksgiving. However, it felt like no one had ever been able to pinpoint the origin, leaving its entire nature a mystery,” said Gebbins. Read the full story

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Woman Watching Sitcom Frustrated Characters Not Doing Things Most Logical, Efficient Way


MILWAUKEE, WI—While watching television Tuesday night, Diane Goodwyn expressed to reporters her frustration regarding characters in the ABC sitcom Tell Me About It doing things that made already bad situations only worse.

“No one wants to see that,” said the 53-year-old.

While gesturing her hands emphatically, an exasperated Goodwyn pointed out how foolish it was for a character to try to go on a blind date and manage a friend’s surprise party on the same night. Read the full story

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Who Wore It Best? Apocalypse Edition


MINNEAPOLIS-With the world as we know it coming to a close, it is no surprise that the public eye is turning toward celebrities, scrutinizing their every move amid all of the chaos.

Of course, just like poor people, celebrities are preparing for doomsday in a variety of different ways. For instance, Kristin Stewart has been practicing smiling in the mirror in hopes of gaining more friends while Honey Boo Boo and family recently bought out the company Hostess in an effort to ward off future starvation and see what diabetes feels like. Read the full story

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Angus T. Jones Proves Sheen Wasn’t the Real Crazy


Erstwhile chubster and modern day mini-hunk Angus T. Jones, best known as the child Charlie Sheen molested on Two and a Half Men made waves this week when he turned on his handlers and devoured whole his own career.

The child actor best known for playing third-fiddle behind Jon Cryer spoke out at a christian event, decrying the show that pays him $350,000 per 22-minutes of production as evil, demonic and “truly Sheenish”. Read the full story

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Romney Camp Launches Last Minute “Why Vote?” Ad Blitz


GlossyNews.com – Television ads have been running furiously in swing states like Iowa, Ohio, Florida, New Hampshire, Old Hampshire and Colorado, but one new ad hit the airwaves last night. The GOP sponsored “Why Vote?” campaign, paid for by Romney Victory Inc.

The ad starts with a woman at her table, sorting through what looks like bills. You hear a baby crying in the background and a man yelling at her from off camera in Spanish. Read the full story

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Romney and Ryan to Clean Up Streets in New ABC Drama


LOS ANGELES- After recent reports have surfaced over the lack of news coverage given to Mitt Romney, the Romney/Ryan campaign sought to tackle the issue through a different approach.

Romney campaign manager Matt Rhodes tells US Weekly that “It’s no surprise the liberal media is trying to marginalize Mitt. We saw this coming. We devised a plan to get Mitt and Paul out there, in the television of every home, without the help of the major news outlets, Prime time drama.” Read the full story

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Local Man Seems Just A Little Too Into Archery


INDIANAPOLIS – Sitting down with his family to watch the opening rounds of the Olympic Games Friday, Indianapolis resident Damien Fenhurst was just a little too into archery, say sources.

Displaying an inordinate degree of interest in the skill and craftsmanship of the competitors on show, the 39-year-old was seen staring intently at the television screen, Read the full story

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Trump Killed By Mob; Resurrected By Satan


Enraged at Donald Trump’s failed political career, scores of angry investors screwed out of millions in campaign dollars converged on Trump’s limo outside a district court, pulled him from the vehicle and strangled him to death with his own comb-over. Read the full story

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Starz New L.A.M.E. Programming: Introducing Boobs McCannon


What do you get when you combine a female-favored programming style like “soap operas,” with manly subject matter like “gangsters?” You get HBO’s The Sopranos, which sent competitors to sleep with the fishes for the six seasons it ruled Sunday nights. Taking a page from HBO’s playbook, Starz has invested heavily in what they call “original transgendered programming” (and then quickly retitled “Ladies and Mens Entertainment” (L.A.M.E.) after “transgendered” caused some confusion). Read the full story

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Elderly Pensioner OD’s on LOST DVD Box Set


Akron, Ohio – GlossyNews.com – Ralph McFarden spent thirty years in the Sacramento sewer system. The waste engineer reportedly had a long and satisfying career with the Akron Waste Management Department before finally retiring to his modest home overlooking the North Akron Shopping Plaza last Monday. But fate had a nasty trick up its sleeve for this quiet pensioner. Read the full story

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Piers Morgan Determined to Fill Regis Philbin’s Vacancy


Piers Morgan recently took over the top spot on CNN when he replaced Larry King and the Larry King Live show with his own Piers Morgan Tonight. Following the entertainment route of Ryan Seacrest, he’s now setting his sites on each and every opening in the entire industry, coast to coast. Read the full story

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Dead Woman In Chair Watches TV For 42 years


ZAGREB, Croatia (Glossy News) – We’re not sure what was on TV in 1966 in the former Yugoslavia, but it must have been so terrible that a woman died while viewing it, and her remains have only recently been found.

The body of Hedviga Golik, who was born in 1924, was discovered by police in the Croatian capital of Zagreb, long-dead and sitting in her armchair in front of her black-and-white television. A bowl of moldy popcorn sitting on the table next to her. Read the full story

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Noted Anthropologist – Early Man “Flintstone” was Homosexual


Sure, you remember him. Yes, that adorable Fred Flintstone wearing his cave man outfit of an animal skin over one shoulder and hanging around with best friend Barney Rubble.

The Flintstones were the modern age vision of a Stone Age family. Residing in the fictitious town of Bedrock, Fred Flintstone worked an unsatisfying quarry job on top of a dinosaur steam-shovel, for a bad-guy boss who squandered his labor to enhance his luxury cave on Knob Hill. But each evening Fred returned home to his lovely wife Wilma and eventually daughter Pebbles. Read the full story

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FlashForward Coming Back to Prime Time this Fall?


According to producers of the one-season wonder television show FlashForward, the show has been rescheduled to appear for another five seasons with a guaranteed story arc. Fans from around the world want to believe the show will return, but having seen the show, they admit they never know what to believe. Read the full story

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Obama Appoints TV Show ‘Doctor’ as Vice President


Washington, DC (GlossyNews) — In a bold bid to rally voter support for healthcare reform and boost Democrats’ election prospects, President Obama announced today the resignation of Vice President Joe Biden and appointment of television actor Patrick Dempsey to replace him.

Dempsey, best known for his portrayal of Dr. Derek Shepherd on the popular television series Grey’s Anatomy, has no previous political experience but is seen as a canny choice by Washington insiders. Read the full story

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