SKYPE DELAWARE — GlossyNews.com – Speaking on a Skype interview with Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly, Karl Rove was intent on answering the question “What does her decisive victory say about your own political abilities? You’ve been quoted as saying she can’t win the November general. Then your quote/unquote nutty things don’t add up comment. Come clean here Karl, have you lost your sense of direction?” Read the full story

RENO, Nevada (GlossyNews) — Sharron Angle, the Republican candidate running against Harry Reid for a Senate seat in November has an angle alright. She has come right out and told the media that she’s willing to show up on their show to talk about her campaign only if she can supply them with questions to ask her and only if she can openly ask for money for her campaign on the air. Read the full story

Wilmington, De Patriot Time Travel — 1782 – On a recent time travel expedition to the late 1700’s, Sarah Palin found herself in bed with Jacob Broom, another B-level politician some consider a Founding Father and a man “who knows one when he sees one.” According to a report from an ear-witness known only as “Mary,” a conversation overheard coming from behind a certain ramshackle wall went something like this:

“How was that?”

“Mmmm baby girl, you know what I like” Read the full story

San Bernardino, CA – When Sarah Palin was approached back in September of last year to speak at a gathering of Christian nudists who were interested in opening a nudist chapter of the Tea Party Movement, she respectfully declined, not wanting to upset her more fundamental followers and fearing a leftist media circus if she even considered it.

However, she was asked again to speak earlier this week and did an abrupt about face. Many are speculating on what exactly happened to change Sarah’s mind. Read the full story

Abercrombie, MI (GlossyNews) — Breaking News: A Christian militia, made up entirely of horses, was arrested today for planning a stampede through the middle of Main Street, USA on July 4th.

The leader of the herd, known only as Star, a wild Mustang from Utah, has confessed his organization was intent on creating anarchy Read the full story

LOS ANGELES, CA (GlossyNews) — Bill O’Reilly, whom Jon Stewart recently praised as FOX network’s “voice of reason,” welcomed former NBC talk show host Conan O’Brien to FOX last night. In a pre-recorded segment that aired during The O’Reilly Factor, the show’s namesake reminded his audience that O’Brien once worked for FOX as a writer for The Simpsons, before “that unfortunate marijuana business.” Read the full story

Sarah Palin is not one to be drawn in to media complaints, but she’s exactly one to respond to these issues when they accost her directly. Sure, Family Guy made fun of persons of mental disability in past years, but, Palin remained silent. But on this occasion, when they made fun of her directly, she magically popped up like a mad activist on a mission more missionary than the position that made her that baby ostensibly in question. Read the full story

A sign board has appeared along a Minnesota road asking passerby’s if they miss the days of George W. Bush’s presidential rule. Apparently times are so bad for some that they will go to that length in nostalgia. Some seem to remember fondly the days when we believed in simpler things, like a ‘won’ war in Iraq in which no one counted the dollar cost of it or the body count on both sides. Read the full story

Since learning of Phil Harris’ death a few weeks ago, sociologists from U.C. Berkeley have been working feverishly to complete a lengthy report on life — and more importantly, death — in the 49th state. Today, they published their preliminary findings. Read the full story

Richmond, VA – As many of you may already know, due to circumstances not entirely out of our control, many of our original sponsors have pulled their support from the first National Tea Party Convention scheduled to take place on February 4-6, 2010 in Nashville, TN. Because of this, and the higher than expected fee(s) we unrealistically committed ourselves to paying the keynote speaker(s), we have been forced to drastically cut back on a majority of the activities scheduled for the Convention. Read the full story

In large part it’s because “runaway Democrat spending” was the only thing, the last bastion of damnation, they had to campaign against, but more than tha,t they’re furious because the wastes slated for reduction are ones instituted by George W. Bush during his runaway spending days of the early 2000s.

“What are we supposed to do now?” asked a man holding a “Blacks & Jews Hate Jesus” sign in front of the Capitol, “Just admit we hate him because he’s a wise negro? I don’t think so!”

Learning that his middle daughter was jonesing to go to Columbia University, Glenn Beck refused to pay for her tuition, stating “if you want to attend some hippie, liberal, communist center of lower learning in the middle of freaking Harlem, you won’t be doing it on my dime, sweetheart.” Read the full story

Washington, D.C. – It was announced today by a Republican Party spokesperson that commencing immediately, rolls of duct tape will be made available, at the entrance to the House and Senate chambers, to those Republican lawmakers who cannot seem to control themselves. “While healthy debate is encouraged in most instances, we find it necessary to impose a form of restraint at this point in the juncture on those lawmakers who are so passionate as to dishonor Congress,” said Lucy Lipsingships, Secretary of the House Decorum Committee. Read the full story