Tag Archive | "Taco Bell"

Every Breaking World Event To Be Sponsored By Pizza Hut

As part of a new global marketing deal, Pizza Hut will sponsor every major event that happens in next 25 years, including: the Tuscani Creamy Chicken Alfredo Arab Spring, the Ultimate Cheese Lover’s Large Hadron Collider and the Buffalo Burnin’ Hot Fiscal Cliff.

It turns out there’s more at the Hut than dipping sauce. There’s serious fiscal concerns, assuming you have more than $24.47, which if you’re reading this, you almost surely do not. Read the full story


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UK Taco Bell found to contain horse meat; Customers call it “vast improvement”

Following the release of information claiming several UK Taco Bell locations have been serving unregulated horse meat, customers are rejoicing in the scandal.

Calling the new burrito filler a “vast improvement” over the previous sawdust laden beef concoction, which in early 2011 led to a lawsuit attempting to ban the fast food chain from labeling their beef blend (containing only 36% actual beef) as meat. Read the full story


Posted in HealthComments (0)

Taco Bell Elects to Take USDA Meat Test Pass/Fail

IRVINE, CALIF — Taco Bell announced in a statement last week that they have elected to take this year’s USDA meat test on a pass/fail basis, rather than risking another poor performance on the agency’s traditional grading scale.

According to the statement, Taco Bell acknowledges that “as all of our friends already know, we really don’t give a shit at this point. We’re over it. Call it señor-itis.” Read the full story


Posted in HealthComments (2)

Burger King Abdicates to Carl’s Jr.

Wikileaks uncovered details concerning a previously unknown sex tape between the Burger King and Ruby Tuesday Thursday, forcing the Burger King to abdicate his burger empire to Carl’s Jr. “It is with great regret that the Burger King agrees to step down in light of recent events,” said a spokesman for the mute King standing behind him. Read the full story


Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Strange PeopleComments (0)

Unemployed Veteran Forgets Mother’s Birthday

BUFFALO, New York (GlossyNews) — In what Tri-State area Tea Party leaders are calling further evidence of our culture’s collapse, 38-year-old Lance Kilbane, an unemployed welder, has forgotten to honor his mother on her birthday.

Speaking to reporters while completing a Taco Bell employment application, Kilbane struggled to put an acceptable face on his unforgiveable negligence toward the woman who carried him inside her body for nine months. Read the full story


Posted in Human Interest, PoliticsComments (0)

Libraries to Start Charging for Books

Bangor, ME (GlossyNews) — The Association for Library Associations’ director June Cleaver spoke to reporters this week to unveil a new library management scheme. Ms. Cleaver, resplendent in pearls and a powder blue dress, was upbeat on ALA’s new business model. Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & MiscComments (0)

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