Tag Archive | "swing voters"

Florida Voters Stand Ready to Prevent Romney Zombie Apocalypse


GlossyNews.com – MIAMI – In a state plagued by natural disasters, exploding pythons, and the strangest politics on the planet, Florida voters are bracing for the latest horror — zombie apocalypse!

(This is a guest post from Rebecca Wakefield.)

Mindless walking dead consumed by a terrible hunger have been spotted in the Sunshine State, stalking residents preparing to cast their votes in the November election. Read the full story

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Romney Surging in Latest Poll of Comatose Unregistered Voters


In recent polls, President Obama continues to lead with several key demographic categories: women, blacks, Hispanics, gays, people under 25, people over 25, people who can do basic math, people who can identify Canada on a map, and people who can remember as far back as the year 2008.

But Governor Romney holds a narrow lead with the several key demographic groups: Mormons over 75, polo team owners, Goldman Sachs hedge fund managers, Rush Limbaugh, people who have never heard Romney speak, and Jesus. Read the full story

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Romney to Sway Female Voters by Showing Compassion, Penis


Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney today unveiled his new plan to persuade female voters to back his bid for the White House by showing them two things that have thus far remained firmly hidden: his compassionate, caring side and his vintage 1947 sexual organ.

He is hoping this strategy will win over voters who have so far been put off by policies that have been deemed as cold and uncaring, as well as those that will “get their kicks” from seeing photographic evidence of Romney’s “schlong”. Read the full story

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Ron Paul ‘Will Fight Presidential Campaign Into 2013’ Just to See What Happens


WASHINGTON D.C. – Even though rival Republican presidential campaigner Mitt Romney has already attained the 1,144 delegates needed to seal the party’s nomination, Ron Paul says he will continue campaigning, vowing to fight on into 2013, just to see what happens.

Unwilling to concede defeat in the face of mathematically impossible odds, Congressman Paul told potential delegates that he is still counting on their support “just in case something transpires.” Read the full story

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