Tag Archive | "stupidity"

NFL Attempts to Curb Concussions By Mounting 11-Inch Steel Spike to Front of Every Helmet


NEW YORK — In an effort to cut down on the growing number of concussions suffered by players, the National Football League has announced plans to adopt a new, official helmet design that will feature an 11-inch steel spike mounted to the forehead region, sources report. Read the full story

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Americans With “Too-Sh**ty-To-Buy” Healthcare Plans Somehow Outraged Rather Than Embarrassed


NEWARK, N.J.– The majority of Americans who have received letters notifying them that their healthcare plans are now legally considered too shitty for insurance companies to sell to citizens of a first-world nation are somehow feeling “anger” instead of the seemingly-more-appropriate emotion known as “embarrassment,” sources report. Read the full story

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WebMD-diagnosed Man Definitely Has AIDS, or Possibly Just Eczema


DES MOINES, IOWA — It was reported earlier today that local farmer Henry Myopic “definitely [has] AIDS… or maybe eczema.”

The 73-year-old Myopic, who regularly checks the WebMD website in an effort to pinpoint his assorted ailments, was able to narrow his latest illness down to one of the two diseases after nearly an hour of careful research. Read the full story

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Report: 10% of Facebook Users Unaware Others Can See Their Posts


PALO ALTO, CALIF — In a recent Pew Research Center study, a reported 10% of Facebook users are oblivious to the fact that other people can see what they write.

The study alleges that of that 10% of naive morons, 50% are systematically confusing “statuses” with “private messages,” 35% are utterly uncertain about what a “facebook” is exactly, and the remaining 15% are simply illiterate. Read the full story

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Boy Scouts Allow Gays, Ban Hetero Troop Leaders


IRVING, TEXAS — In a surprise move yesterday, the Boy Scouts of America announced plans not only to accept homosexual troop leaders, but furthermore to ban heterosexuals from all leadership positions.

RIGHT: Founding Scout Master Freddy “Flip” Antouchyerson. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

In a statement released this morning, BSA Spokes-scout Scruff McDougal said of the policy change, “It was a difficult decision indeed. Just because the Pentagon and other leaders of the U.S. Armed Forces decided to let ‘the gays’ do battle on the front lines of horrific and deadly warfare against some of the most vicious warriors and savage, dogmatic killers in the worst, most unforgiving hell-scapes this planet has to offer, well, that doesn’t mean they’re ready to be scouts. As you can imagine, we really had to think this through. At the end of the day, though, we decided to let them try.” Read the full story

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Posted in SocietyComments (2)

Ayn Rand Based Movie Atlas Shrugged: Part 2 – We All Shrugged


Today I spent my afternoon at the movies, if you can call them that. I had what can only be described as a hopefully forgetful afternoon viewing one of the most horrific movies that has come out this year, or maybe ever, Atlas Shrugged: Part 2.

This movie runs like a desolate highway in Texas; it’s much too long and there’s regrettably, unforgivably nothing to see. Read the full story

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Posted in Talky PicturesComments (4)

Halp Mee! Mi Branes Gott Suked Out!


This is a dasparate kry fer help!
Pleeze reed this and havve mercy on mee!

The other dai I wuz vacuming my room. I puled the atachment off and held it up to my eer to sea if something kloged it. Sudenly it vacumed my brane out! Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (1)

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