Tag Archive | "shooting"

California Considers Move to Ban ‘Blonde Sluts’ After Man Goes on Rampage Because He Never Got Any


Isla Vista, CA – A delusional, 22 year-old man went on a premeditated killing spree Friday night in an attempt to get “retribution”, as he stated it, for the slight he felt humanity had given him. His hatred focused on one creature in particular: The Blonde Slut.

The Blonde Slut roams free in California and, at this time, is not on the endangered species list in that state. The latest census numbers put the population of the species in the millions. Read the full story

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NRA: Recent Home Shooting Proves we Should Arm All Homes


Our nation was rocked this week when it was discovered that three minors and two adults were murdered in a spree shooting in New Mexico, prompting the NRA to declare that all homes should have an armed guard.

Bernalillo County Sherrif’s deputy’s were horrified at the scene, but NRA spokesman Wayne LaPierre was quick to quip, “If this home had been armed, maybe things would have ended a little differently.” Read the full story

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Brutal, Merciless Shooting Thankfully Not Linked to Terrorism


NEW YORK, NY – A brutal shooting that recently left 2 people dead and several wounded outside the Empire State Building is not believed to be linked to terrorism, say relieved news sources.

Even though 11 people were wounded after the gunman killed a former co-worker with a gunshot to the head, it has been confirmed that no one in the vicinity – including numerous lucky police officers, residents and tourists – was, at any point, terrorized by the perpetrator. Read the full story

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World Stops to Mourn Victims of Theater Shooting


“It was weird,” Hector Santiago, a thug for a Mexican drug cartel, said through a translator, “I could tell something just happened – something more important – because suddenly I knew I couldn’t kill this police officer; it would make news headlines and I knew that, for some weird reason, I just couldn’t do that.” Read the full story

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DIY Assault Rifle Goes on Sale, Despite ACLU Support


BMB Industries has introduced the new Black Momba Assault Rifle Kit claiming, ‘it can be assembled right in the peace and comfort of your own home using simple, everyday tools.’

The Black Momba kit, model M-160-B assault rifle, will be released for sale via online retailers tomorrow and will fill the needs of descriminating first-time gun owners in time for Christmas. Read the full story

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Lady Gaga Bra Injures Dancers in Rehearsal


Los Angeles, CA – Little did Lady Gaga realize that the special rifle bra that was created for her “Alejandro” video actually was made from real rifles strapped to the front of the bra in such a way that when she danced, the rifles would sway from side to side.

Unfortunately, while practicing to swing the rifles both in the same direction, one of them got caught in the strapping and swung wildly to the left hitting the other rifle causing it to discharge. Read the full story

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Three-Year-Old Shoots Father: “Purple Dinosaur Told Me To”


ANAHEIM, CA (GlossyNews) — On March 17, 2010, a three-year-old boy shot his father, an LAPD officer, with a service revolver. The shooting occurred in the family’s pickup truck at a traffic stop in Anaheim. Investigators are still trying to determine how the child got hold of the weapon. The father remains in critical condition. Read the full story

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UK Teenage Nutters Planned Columbine 2: The Wrath of Khan


Two teenagers planned to blow up a local shopping mall and strafe their school with gunfire in a massacre timed to coincide with the anniversary of a mass-murder killing spree at a US school, a British court heard today. Read the full story

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