Tag Archive | "secession"

White House Agrees To Texas Secession, Perry Now King

In a surprising announcement late this evening, the White House announced it’s decision to let the state of Texas secede from the union.

This was reportedly in response to the numerous signatures that were attached to a petition that was submitted to the White House web site earlier this month. When a petition crosses the 25,000 signature mark, it warrants a response.

Right: Newly crowned King of Texas Rick Perry. Click to enlarge. Read the full story


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Common Sense Files to Secede from The Union

WASHINGTON D.C. – Following a number of high profile lapses in ordinary, rational behavior across the country in recent months, “common sense” put forward a petition Friday to secede from the United States.

Filing its petition on the White House’s website today, common sense – an often complex and misunderstood compound noun – is seeking to gain the 25,000 signatures required to force the president to pass judgement on the motion. Read the full story


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States Secede From US – Create New Country

POINT BARROW, Alaska (GlossyNews) — A new political entity was born today as all states west of the Mississippi seceded from the Union and created their own nation called The League of States That Remembers What Reality Is.

Fed up with decades of following a government that only recognized the needs and interests of those within a 200 mile radius of Washington, the League (hereafter referred to as the LSTRWRI so that I don’t go over my word limit) made Barrow, Alaska its capital and named Sarah Palin its Queen because of her independent style and because she is a babe. Unfortunately, when they realized that Ms. Palin had little idea what reality is, nominated Ron Paul as its first Czar instead. Read the full story


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Rhode Island Announces Plans to Secede from Union, Align with Zanzibar

Providence, RI (GlossyNews) Finally fed up with being classified as the America’s smallest state and with the perceived lack of respect accompanying that classification, teeny, weeny Rhode Island announced plans today to sever ties with the other 49 states. With size in mind, Rhode Island officials specifically chose to merge with Zanzibar based primarily on the east African country’s physical dimensions.

“We wanted to chose someplace relatively small so that we would seem proportionately larger than we do in the U.S.,” explained Vito Gigante, spokesman for the Rhode Island General Assembly, to no one in particular. Read the full story


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Succession and Secession Causing Palin Major Confusion

HOUSTON, TX — Sarah Palin, speaking a few weeks ago at a rally for Rick Perry, referred to news about Texans wanting to secede from the union by saying, “They got that wrong. Texas today, I don’t think they’re seceding, they are succeeding.”

Upon hearing this, Debra Medina, the Tea Party candidate for Governor of Texas, called Palin to offer her services as a mentor on the differences between succession and secession, both terms being bandied about lately by the Tea Party movement and obviously causing Palin some confusion. Read the full story


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Secessionists Pass out Own Survey to Tea Party Attendees

A South Carolina independent rag known as the Secessionist News developed a Survey entitled “Where Do You Stand as a True American?” They hope it will be picked up and answered by lots of Tea Party Convention delegates in an effort to get a finger on the pulse of the true American. We have recreated the survey here for convenience of reading (sample original survey shown below). We hope to report the findings once responses start to trickle in. Feel free to give your own answers if you’ve a mind to. Read the full story


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Obama Administration Stunned by State Department Secession

Washington – Secretary of State Hillary Clinton declared today the State Department‘s independence from the Obama Administration. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs reported that President Obama reacted very coolly to the news. “His only comment,” Gibbs said, was, “Let’s all be calm about this and give everybody a few weeks to sort things out.” Read the full story


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