Tag Archive | "seattle"

Man Buys First CD in 12-Years; It’s Macklemore

Mock as you will, but first consider that the man in question is me, and I literally haven’t bought a CD in 12 years. Why the hell would I?

I’m not saying I’m a pirate, because I’m not. Perhaps I’ve had some pirate-adjacent tendencies since the advent of every program that emerged in the wake of Napster’s shutdown. Read the full story


Posted in Celebrity Gossip, MusicComments (2)

49ers PR Office Readies for Mass Suicide Sunday Night

The San Francisco 49ers had a terrible 12-4 season, but this Sunday they face the Seattle Seahawks with a stunning 13-3 regular season record. Facing certain defeat, 49ers fans are widely expected to commit mass, ritual suicide.

The Seahawks have the best defense in the league, and have been favored over the 49ers by 3-9 points/game this regular and post-season, but even losing inside the spread is unlikely to sate the bloodlust for sacrifice to make for a better team next season. Read the full story


Posted in Sports Events, SportsfolkComments (11)

Seattle’s narrow escape from the icy grip of winter

Whew! That was that a close call. There was a point earlier this week when I thought I might never see my kids again. Worse yet, I feared that my final blog post might be last week’s lame rant about Sarah Palin.

How humiliating. I live in Seattle, and for the past ten days, the entire city has been hunkered down in the grips of an arctic blast so bone-chillingly cold that most of us wondered if we’d ever again be able to venture outdoors in December in flip flops and shorts. Read the full story


Posted in Environment, Human InterestComments (0)

Here are the Biggest Lies About Seatac Prop-One

This isn’t my fight. I’m new here, but I read up on it and I can’t even believe it’s up for debate. SeaTac should raise wages for airport workers for too many reasons to count, but what’s more, the reasons against it are all lies.

I’ve been researching this the past 6-hours and it just makes sense. Wages at airport positions should rise just as they have in every other American west coast airport. Plain and simple. Read the full story


Posted in Top StoriesComments (0)

Welcome to Seattle – The Land the Sun Forgot

Excellent holiday pictures can be taken using a 16 megapixel Nikon digital camera.

[This message brought to you by the Greater Seattle Tourist Information Bureau.]

Greetings, visitor. Welcome to Seattle. If this is your first time to the Emerald City, we’d like to share some fun facts about our great city to help you plan your trip. Read the full story


Posted in Entertainment, TravelComments (0)

SEATTLE: Wanted – Gun, Working or Not $100-$200

Are you in Seattle, or close enough to drive? Would like to take that gun off your hands, no questions asked. Will give you a $100-$200 Amazon gift card for it. Just bring it to me.

Okay, not me, but the Seattle gun buy-back. I don’t want them. Nothing against your guns, I’m sure they’re lovely, well-oiled, and perfectly represent your manhood. No it’s not like that. Read the full story


Posted in Crime, SocietyComments (4)

Seattle Rally to Restore Sanity Needs Donation of Sign-Making Materials

We’re having our second sign-making party, and we need materials to make the signs. The Seattle Rally is established as a 501c3 non-profit, so your donations are more than welcome (and desperately needed,) and it looks like they are also going to be tax deductible.

Help by Donating Materials:
We need poster board, permanent markers (no paint allowed at our sign-making parties) and little things like pencils, pens, and a heavy-gauge stapler. If your company can donate these items, please get in touch with us. If you work somewhere that can provide these items, talk with your boss and ask them to kindly help us in our quest for sanity. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Middle America Vast, but Moderate America Massive

Politicians and pundits in recent years have harped on the tired adage of “real America”, though the term is as uncertain as climate change. That is to say, it’s a very clear metric, but staunch conservatives are just in plain denial. Real America is middle America, that vast, empty swath where pack animals and gays have learned not to tread in the open.

But there’s a bigger middle to America, one that isn’t restricted to population density and the ratio of American flags on Fords – it’s the political center of America. Not middle America, but Moderate America. Read the full story


Posted in Politics, Serious CommentaryComments (0)

Seattle Opens Innovative Self-Help Health Clinics

SEATTLE, Washington – A group of enterprising doctors today were granted a license by the State Board of Medical Examiners in Washington State to open the first of what they hope to be many self-help walk-in clinics in America.

Based on the concept of “been there, done that” but in a more professional sense, the doctors came up with a plan that they say will revolutionize the way people are treated for minor mishaps. The doctors claim that most people nowadays know their way around the internet pretty well. Read the full story


Posted in Health, Human InterestComments (0)

Magician Makes Rape Charges Disappear

Bellevue, WA (GlossyNews) — Mega-famous showman and Illusionist Oliver Twist has done it again. Known for both traditional stage magic and his signature landmark disappearance performances, Twist this week displayed his mastery of the craft by making a Civil Suit vanish.

The case had been filed in 2007 by Judy Joy, a Seattle area actress/ singer/ waitress/ model/ barista. Ms. Joy alleged that Twist lured her to his private island under false pretenses, where she was held against her will and forced to perform tricks of a decidedly non-theatrical nature. Read the full story


Posted in EntertainmentComments (0)

Dane Cook Rocks Veritable Asses in Seatte

Dane Cook appeared live at the Key Arena in Seattle last Thursday, and my hopes were too high to be anything but disappointed. First of all, he’s in the top-5 stand-up comics of our time. Secondly, I’ve already seen everything he’s done (except for the current “Rough Around the Edges” tour), and thirdly because crowds on Thursdays are notoriously scant, and have terrible energy. Dane proved me wrong, and I’m thankful for it. Read the full story


Posted in EntertainmentComments (0)

Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --

Glossy News Fake Commercials!

Glossy News Podcast

(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)

More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?

Check This Out!

ca-dress.com shop dresses online

Recommended Sportsbook MyBookie.ag

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial