Tag Archive | "school"

2015 Advice for Graduating Students


I’d been working as an administrative assistant at an Ivy League university for about a year when my boss, the school’s marketing director, asked me to compile a list of inspirational quotes for the graduating class.

I dutifully sent a mass email to the alumni, asking them to share the best advice they had for the students before they entered the “real” world. I then boiled down their responses to the ten most representative quotes. Read the full story

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New Bumper Stickers For Our Mass Educated Times


For years we have heard the mantra that ‘If you can read this, thank a teacher” thrown at us from bumper stickers and signs everywhere. Of course the school system will surely not broadcast so loudly their failings- the brainwash, the intimidation, the browbeating, the systematization of everything possible.

If they ever did, here is what these bumper stickers would look like:

If you are so robotic that you have no will of your own, thank a teacher.

If you are working at Walmart because you always believed that only other people can tell you what to do, how to do it and when to do it, thank your educational system.

If school shootings happen because a system of education ignores the anger made from bullying, intimidation and repression, thank a School Principal.

If you have been so conditioned by school indoctrination that it is impossible to think outside the box, thank a teacher.

If you were intimidated by a ‘good ole boy’ system that patted bullying jocks on the back and looked the other way when they exercised their ‘right’ to dominate and harass at schools, thank a school administration.

If you have come to believe that only the A students and the athletes count for anything in a society, thank your school system.

If you can do nothing creatively but only copy what others do, thank an education system.

If you cannot exercise your own free will without fear, thank your schooling.

If you are obese, unhealthy or have bad posture due to sitting in a chair all day without any physical exercise, thank an educational policy plan.

If you are so intellectually trained that you can only think in one dimension, thank a school curriculum.

If you have been so skilled in a narrow, specialized field that if it were to become obsolete you would be permanently unemployed, thank a school system.

If your self esteem is down around where your shoes should be due to being brow beat throughout school, thank a teacher.

If you have been molded into believing that life after high school is nothing more than an extension of the rigid social structure of what you experienced there- ie. only some people can be popular, authority figures determine your whole life, that certain sports, arts, careers, social groups, etc. are only for a privileged elite, then thank a fossilized learning system.

If you cannot understand anything outside the confines of your own community, religion, nation or political party, thank a school system.

If you have been conditioned to being a tool of a system that only recognizes a hierarchy of football players, cheerleaders and other sports personnel as being the heights of society, thank your school.

– – – – – – – – –

For an expert look at what is wrong with our school system and what needs to be done about it, read Dumbing Us Down by John Gatto, a former Teacher Of the Year nominated by the New York School System. Everyone who has ever been educated in America should read it.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Apparently bumpers are significantly wider where this author lives.

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Sarah Palin Receives PhD in General Studies


Conservatives around the nation are rejoicing at news that former Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska has be awarded a Doctorate of Philosophy in General Studies by Pensacola Christian College.

According to sources close to the governor, Palin began working on the program online soon after losing the 2008 presidential election alongside John McCain.

Due to her conservative credentials, Palin had about thirty percent of the 72 units required for the doctorate waved, giving her a head start in the program. Read the full story

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Striking Teachers Demand Smarter Students


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Indiana Mom Prepares Child For His First Full Day of No More Fun


INDIANAPOLIS – With around two weeks to go until the start of school, Indiana mom Annette Nichols is anxiously getting her 6-year-old son ready for his first day of what will ultimately be no more fun.

Enrolling him in classes at Brookside Elementary School in Indianapolis, Nichols, 37, has already accompanied her son, Evan, to a Back to School festival in an effort to teach him that his days of unbridled playtime are set to become increasingly rare as he gets older. Read the full story

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Johnny Depp School Visit Ends in Tragedy


LONDON, United Kingdom (Glossy News) — What was meant to be a special day for children at Middleburytonshire Elementary will be recalled quite differently after a surprise visit from Johnny Depp took a turn for the worse.

Precocious Jessica Smythe-Flaverhaven wrote a letter to famed actor Johnny Depp, believing Captain Jack Sparrow to be a real person and not just a film character. But what many may have otherwise called adorable, PETA activists called a criminal violation of animal rights. Read the full story

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Middle School Students Elect New Jesus Figure


Russetville, KY (GlossyNews) — Voting with their fists, the students of Dick Armey Middle School in Russetville, Kentucky have elected Denny Flutcher their Jesus Figure. The results of the one-sided election were obvious last afternoon, when Jesus figure runner-up, Leo Stinsky, was seen alongside a group of other boys beating Flutcher to a pulp.

Even the teachers are in on it now that it’s in the open and the election is finally over. Most turn their back when they see the religious ceremony begin. It usually starts with a push, or maybe a kick, Read the full story

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Education Bill Overhaul: Bad Teachers Charged as Criminals


WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — A controversial portion of President Obama’s newest education initiative has come under fire from the American Federation of Teachers, which claims the measure is not only unconstitutional but absurd.

The provision in the President’s overhaul of the “No Child Left Behind Act” would hold all teachers accountable for their students’ performance and, in some cases, allow authorities to criminally prosecute teachers with poorly performing students. Read the full story

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Schools Expand Zero Tolerance Policies to Include “Lack of Spirit”


Framingham, MS (GlossyNews) — Prominent public education leaders from across the nation called for an across the board expansion in Zero Tolerance policies in public schools today after a two week symposium. The leaders found the mandatory expulsion and suspension from school of students for various infractions both “improved school spirit and created an atmosphere of fairness.” Read the full story

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