Tag Archive | "RNC"

Photo Surfaces Proving Karl Marx Actually Met Barack Obama


London(UK) – (SatireWorld.com)

University archivists recently found a treasure trove of old photos and documents in a trunk belonging to a retired canner who collected rare photos as a hobby. Dubbed the Rosetta Stone of Barack Obama’s past, the photos reveal he met famous personalities in the past leaving a lasting impression on the young man.

Tucked in with faded photos of 1930’s Moscow and Lenigrad, researchers uncovered what might be the most unusual photo of all…Karl Marx standing along side of future US president Barack Hussein Obama in an undisclosed location. Read the full story

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New Karl Rove Infomercial: “Weaseling Your Way To Success”


Greetings fellow Americans – Are you one of the downtrodden ones who have never had a lucky break?

I was one too, but I am going to pass on to you how you can break out of the bad luck cycle with my new book “Weaseling Your Way To Success!”

As a child I was unattractive, unpopular and as dorky as Popeye going through spinach withdrawals. But I powered through all that to the very top echelons of our society. Read the full story

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Posted in Strange PeopleComments (3)

Huckabee Asks RNC Organizers if He Can Bring His Bass


TAMPA, FL – Gearing up to play a memorable part in the 2012 Republican National Convention this week, former Arkansas Governor and presidential campaigner Mike Huckabee has asked RNC organizers if it would be okay for him to bring along his bass guitar.

Offering to knock out a few Rolling Stones numbers during his 10-minute address, Huckabee insisted that “this will really get the convention swinging.”

“I just wanted to do a few riffs with the band,” said the 57-year-old. “I promise not to go overboard. Just three songs, and then I’ll let Condoleezza Rice have the floor. I swear.” Read the full story

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Hey Religious Nuts: Why Don’t You Say Anything About God’s Wrath on the Republicans In Tampa?


HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!!!

Where are all the Hellfire and Brimstone preachers at?

Where are they when you need them?

A hurricane is bearing down on the Republican National Convention and you don’t hear a peep out of them. Are they out hiding their heads under a rock?

If it were the Democratic National Convention you would surely be hearing that it was God’s wrath descending upon them for their many sins. Read the full story

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Mitt Romney Accepts Monkey on Back


Mitt Romney announced today that he will accept the Republican nomination for President wearing a STAPLES logo stitched to his back.

“And no, my friends,” Romney joked to the partisan crowd. “The logo won’t actually be stapled to my back. Hahahahaha.”

The presumptive candidate often cites the office supply box store as a job-creating, minimum-wage paying Bain Capital success story. Read the full story

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11 Reasons Sarah Palin Was A Better VP Pick Than Dick Cheney


Ex Minister of Vice Dick Cheney has come out (no, not out of the closet. Don’t we wish!) and said that Sarah Palin was a poor choice for Vice President. Well son of a gun! It’s the pot calling the kettle black!

Let’s take a look at why Palin WOULD have been a better vice President than Cheney ever was:

Read the full story

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Former GOP Candidates May Have Been Raptured


MCLEAN, VA —GlossyNews
The recently announced “early departure” of a 43-year-old right wing political activist and blogger has brought to the forefront an investigation into a viral GOPTea™ campaign that has begun figuratively taking down some big players: Bachmann, Cain, Pawlenty, Perry, Snowe. And the list keeps growing.

Who’s next? A list of names was found in the bottom drawer of a back office desk at the RNC headquarters in McLean, Virginia. Read the full story

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Right Wingers Develop Wild West Show, Cirque du Sarah Style


In an effort to restore their public image after the shooting in Arizona and its aftermath, the Republican National Committee has put forth a proposal to produce a touring Wild West Show, starring leaders of the new conservative movement.

Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, and Rush Limbaugh have already signed on, with many more right-wing pundits and politicos expected to follow their lead. The tour is being funded by the Koch brothers and sponsored by Wal-Mart, the NRA, and Premiere Radio Networks. Toby Keith and Ted Nugent will headline the musical acts. Read the full story

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Prince Elected as New Chairman of Republican National Committee


Reince Priebus, or Prince Rebus as he his known to friends and family, was elected today as Chairman of the Republican National Committee (RNC). The Prince replaces outgoing Chairman, Michael Steele, whose leadership of the RNC has been fraught with controversy and accusations of everything from mishandling of funds to creating divisiveness among the RNC members. Read the full story

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RNC Funding Calls for Chairman Neuvo, Hold the Mexican


Want to be the next chairman of the Republican National Committee? Take this easy essay test and send it back to the RNC in Washington. Be sure to include all your contact info so we can get in touch if we want to interview you.

Applicant questions are important because there are absolutely no ‘correct’ answers to these questions. Read the full story

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John Boehner Changing Last Name to BAY-ner


Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) held a press conference last week to announce that he has started the process within the Ohio State court system to officially change his family name from Boehner (pronounced Boner) to BAY-ner (what he says is the correct pronunciation of his last name according to his official website). Boehner has tried unsuccessfully his entire career to convince his constituents and others that the correct pronunciation of his name is BAY-ner; however, that pronunciation has just not caught on.

Tired of the hang up calls left on his congressional office voice mail asking for Mr. Boner, Rep. Boehner was forced to take action. “Look, I’ll tell you what this is really about,” he said. “I have every intention of running for President in 2012, and I think that with people mispronouncing my name as Mr. Boner, I will not be able to demand the respect and serious consideration I will need while running a presidential campaign.”

The press conference was cut short due to uncontrollable laughter.

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Posted in News In Your BriefsComments (8)

Ask Hank: Republicans = Swoony Churchgoers


Hey Hank,

It’s become a toss-up for me here and thought you could help out, if you want…
I am and have been an atheist for most of my life. I just can’t get into the whole swoony churchy thing.

But, I have become a rather confirmed political convert and want to get a job in the next political campaign.
I lean quite heavily to the right, so I need to know which church group would be the best for me to join up with –Mormon, Catholic, Baptist, Presbyterian? Are there others? Read the full story

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