A huge influx of cheap-good laden ships from Mainland China caused Homeland Security to raise its insecurity level to the orange level today. Normally, goods coming in from China raise no terrorist alerts, but due to the present economic crisis the agency has become aware that the importing of cut-rate merchandise from the former Communist land helps to destroy the American manufacturing base. This also takes jobs away from Americans, but since they have government jobs they know they don’t need to care. Read the full story

The White House - Americans are being asked to team up and pool their resources to further stem the tide of inflation and allow everyone a better chance of getting back on their feet. President Obama, over the weekend, issued a statement regarding his “Buddy Breaks” initiative. Read the full story

Long having been regarded the financial heart of the Middle East, Dubai rocked world markets this week with announced uncertainty on servicing some $60 billion in debt. So today’s further information was heralded as calming news that will facilitate market stability.

Dubai Financial Ministry spokesman Adam Lambert explained, “Dubai regrets if anybody took it the wrong way, but it was a necessary first step towards a greater plan.” Read the full story

NEVADA - It’s no secret that the U.S. economy is not in the best of shape. Between the sub-prime mortgage crisis, the credit crunch, the soaring price of oil and the weak dollar, times are tough and getting tougher all the time.

But until now it’s only affected us in minor ways, a foreclosed home here, a family unable to afford gasoline and groceries there, maybe the occasional collapse of the automotive and financial industries. Nothing to get your panties in a twist over. Read the full story

Washington, DC — In an amazing, some would say astounding, turn of events in the world, the Treasury pie chart has begun to show increases. Not quite enough to erase the decreases that have plagued our country – nay, the world at large – but a definite sign that a turnaround is in the works. Read the full story

National Enquirer – Part 3 of John’s Smith’s report of his time on Martha’s Vineyard posing as a landscaper at President Obama’s compound. Before he was discovered and removed by Secret Service agents, Smith managed to tape several strategy meetings Obama conducted with advisors. In the following transcript, the President leads a brainstorming session on correcting the nation’s dismal employment situation: Read the full story