Tag Archive | "reagan"

GOP End of Days Panic: Rick Perry Declares Himself the Anti-Reagan


The GOP is getting worried about outside infiltration and even supernatural omens, as rumor has it that Rick Perry has revealed himself to aides as the literal anti-Reagan.

No need to worry about fire and brimstone, signs in the Heavens, and the standard apocalyptic phenomena which might conceivably be interpreting as heralding the end of days for some Republicans, as you’ll read.

There is a perfectly innocent (well, more-or-less innocent) explanation. Here’s what Rick has to say about the latest development in the War Against Reagan: Read the full story

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Ghost of Reagan Appears; Apologizes for Trickle Down Economics


It is said that Ronald Reagan haunts the White House, and a visitor to the stately home has come forward to bring a message from Reagan beyond the grave.

“He says he’s sorry for advocating trickle-down economics, and if he was President today, he would never have let his wealthy friends convince him of such a stupid policy in the first place,” says Lucy Landers, a 7th grade Social Studies teacher from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read the full story

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Posted in Politics, Strange PeopleComments (16)

9 Reasons Why Reagan is the Best Liberal President Ever


We hear a lot from the conservative right praising Reagan as if he was the very baby Jesus they so desperately wish to meet again. But the truth is that Reagan, by today’s standards at least, was a flaming liberal. He stood for everything our current Pinko-in-chief stands for, yet somehow he’s the good guy, while Obama is the devil. Read the full story

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Conservative Right Shares Plans To Revive Economy Post-Election


HOW REPUBLICANS WILL IMPROVE THE ECONOMY IF ELECTED:

• Start a new war to refocus attention off the bad state of national affairs and to bolster arm sales and allow corporate ‘service’ interests to leech money off the taxpayers to ‘support’ the military effort. Read the full story

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“Men in Suits” determine the future of the GOP


Several suited men are pouring over papers scattered on a desk before them.

“So, it comes down to this: The Corporations are deciding on either Gingrich or Santorum to be the Republican representative for the Republican platform in the Presidential election.” stated the man in the gray suit.

“We’ll make sure that the other candidates fall by the wayside after the South Carolina Primary. Romney just won’t make a strong enough puppet for us to get our bills passed through Congress. If we are going to be the Marines for getting Corporate control of America then we are going to need a strong front man we can work through. Read the full story

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Recycling Republicans


SCENARIO- A secret laboratory deep underground beneath the American Heritage Think Tank And Karaoke Lounge in Washington. It is a room filled with strange scientific paraphernalia- tubes transporting strangely colored liquids run here and there connecting into buzzing machines. Varied colored indicator lights flicker on and off. All of these things seem to center upon a mysterious, human-shaped chamber filled with swirling gases in the middle of the room. Read the full story

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Obama Reaches Out to Republican Pinheads to Solve America’s Problems


WASHINGTON – Faced with increasing criticism from within his own party about his concessions to Republicans as part of the recent debt ceiling deal, President Obama yesterday attempted to explain the reasoning behind his approach during a meeting with Democratic leaders at the White House. Read the full story

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Study Shows Baby Boomers Look for Apathy, Social Inequality in Brands


This week The Gibraltar Group released the results of a study that indicates that Baby Boomers have given up on the economy ever recovering and continue to buy products that reflect their lack of hope and apathy toward the situation. While the study shows that younger generations prefer brands that mirror hope for the future, the Boomers simply don’t care about what’s going to happen since they will be dead in twenty years anyway. Read the full story

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Woman Assaults Coffee Shop Patrons with Ditto Head Diatribe


Seattle, WA (GlossyNews) — Kaitlin Greely has found her way into Tawdry Soup for the second time time this year. This time by impressing patrons at the local coffee shop and veggie deli with her deep knowledge of Rush Limbaugh’s latest positions on all things political.

In a commanding voice that began in the service line, and stretched to the two-person table Greely shared with an unknown male companion, she wowed patrons while loudly going off about Obama being a Socialist Nazi, how the oil well blowout in the Gulf is good for the environment, why we should lock up homeless people for stealing grocery carts, how Michael J. Fox is simply a herky jerky meth addict, and that if Ronald Reagan was still President, there wouldn’t be any Mexicans in America. Read the full story

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Bill O’Reilly Welcomes Conan O’Brien To FOX


LOS ANGELES, CA (GlossyNews) — Bill O’Reilly, whom Jon Stewart recently praised as FOX network’s “voice of reason,” welcomed former NBC talk show host Conan O’Brien to FOX last night. In a pre-recorded segment that aired during The O’Reilly Factor, the show’s namesake reminded his audience that O’Brien once worked for FOX as a writer for The Simpsons, before “that unfortunate marijuana business.” Read the full story

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