Tag Archive | "racing"

Kentucky Derby Horse ‘Uncle Sigh’ Doesn’t Really Give a Damn About Race


Churchill Downs – As the 140th running of the Kentucky Derby nears, one fact about one of the horses in the running this year is clear: ‘Uncle Sigh’ just doesn’t give a damn.

The horse is already pissed about having to shave his beard for the race but insisted on his jockey being allowed to carry his signature green cup of special tea during the race.

“I mean, I’ll race. I got no problem with that, Jack. But I’ll be damned if they’re gonna make me leave my tea cup somewhere during the race just so someone can steal it. No way, man.” Uncle Sigh remarked. Read the full story

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NASCAR to Shorten Races: Surging Gas Prices Spur Changes


NASCAR officials declared today that due to the current increase in gasoline prices, several races later this season will be shortened to save costs.

According to the report issued, the money saving initiative will prevent a rise in ticket prices and allow the typical NASCAR fan to continue spending large amounts of cash they don’t have on NASCAR apparel they don’t need.

Crude oil has topped one hundred dollars a barrel this year and nationwide gas price averages sit above $3.60 a gallon. NASCAR stock cars get approximately two miles per gallon. Read the full story

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Mourner of Paul Walker Attacked over “Irony”


VALENCIA, California – Those close to Paul Walker and people just trying to get on the news gathered at a memorial for the “Fast and Furious” actor who had died in a single-car crash with his friend in Valencia.

He was a passenger in the vehicle. With heads held low, everyone couldn’t help but say, “I can’t take how ironic this is!”

In the crowd of mourners was Daniel Trip (20), an English Major from Cal State Northridge, who at first sensed that the other memorial attendees were trolling, perhaps having an inappropriate laugh. Trip went around asking to see if anyone could explain in what way that the actor’s death was ironic. Read the full story

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Crash Kills IndyCar Racer, Leaves Car in Critical Condition


LAS VEGAS – The world of racing is left to reflect after a multiple-car crash in Las Vegas killed famed driver Dan Wheldon and left his racing vehicle in a “serious condition.”

The accident involved 15 other drivers, whose vehicles are said to be in stable conditions.

Former 2-time Indy 500 winner Wheldon was later pronounced dead in hospital, while his racing car is fighting for its life after suffering multiple injuries, including 3 ruptured tires, a dislocated steering wheel and a damaged suspension. IndyCar servicemen have transported it to an engineering plant, where its progress is “being monitored”. Read the full story

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Racist Row Revving Up, Four Sure to End Up on the Floor


A Smegmadale driver spent two nights in jail after being accused of the latest numpty-dumpty politically-incorrect crime of “revving his car in a racist manner”. Read the full story

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