Washington, DC – GlossyNews.com – The U.S. House of Representatives today passed the bipartisan $500 million No Districts Left Behind Bill by a vote of 399 to 36.

An historical departure from the governing body’s usual practice of adding pork projects as bribes for their support, the NELB entirely dispenses with the pretense of legislating in the national public interest. Read the full story

A team of research scientists from Kentucky State University have concluded a year-long study of the average American hot dog to determine once and for all if they are, in fact, made from lips and a**holes. The results indicate that hot dogs do indeed contain pig lips but the scientists could find no trace of a**holes.

KSU received a grant last year in the amount of $1.2 million dollars to conduct the study on standard hot dogs winning out over grant applications by Colorado State University for the study of mating habits of the Colorado River piranha, Read the full story

Interstate 35W Bridge in Minneapolis, MN — Yes, you got it right! Gov. Sarah Palin was on the scene for the grand opening of the I35W bridge that really does go somewhere. “It is kind of on the cutting edge. It’s wonderful. What a beautiful bridge. It’s terrific.” she said. Her smile seemed slightly forced, as this bridge was build for far less money than her bridge was budgeted for, but never got built. The numbers: $230+ million in Minnesota vs. $400+ million in Alaska. Read the full story

Secret Labour stealth taxes – rumoured to have been conjoured and drafted by old rodent features himself – Lord Peter Scandalson – aka Vermin in Ermine – are geared up to be imposed on millions of homes and totally bankrupt the middle classes in the process after the no-hoper dead duck government supposedly sweep the ballot in the next General Election. Read the full story

Washington DC - The studies have been released and the news sure isn’t pretty. Both houses of Congress – the Senate and the Representatives– have been shown to come up short dealing with their own bisexuality. Read the full story