Tag Archive | "obituaries"

Wife of Man Who Died Vacuuming Comforted He Died Doing What She Loved


ST. LOUIS — Area Man Daniel Beter passed away on Tuesday from an apparent heart attack while vacuuming the living room carpet in his home.

In a statement to the press, his wife, Raquel, said of her husband’s untimely death, ”While it saddens me that my beloved husband of 10 years is no longer with us, I find solace in the fact that he died doing the one thing that made me truly happy – giving me a freaking break and helping out around here for a change.” Read the full story

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Extreme Sportsman Completes Successful Base-jump, Funeral to be Held Friday


LODI, CALIF – While base-jumping last week in a northern California ravine, Extreme Sportsman Felix Grainger’s parachute reportedly malfunctioned, sending the 28-year-old’s body crashing to the earth at an incredible rate of speed, whereupon he arrived at a gruesome, untimely death in what experts are calling “an entirely successful base-jump.”

According to friend and fellow adrenaline junky Brad Stenovich, “He nailed it!” Read the full story

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Sen. Byrd’s Death Ruled Bizarre Act of Self Mutilation


WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — West Virginia Sen. Robert Carlyle Byrd, the longest-serving member of Congress and the self-educated son of a coal miner, died Monday at age 92.

Byrd was born Cornelius Calvin Sale Jr. on November 20, 1917, in North Carolina. His mother died when he was a year old. His aunt and uncle, Titus and Vlurma Byrd, legally adopted him. A nine-term Democrat, Byrd was known as a master of the chamber’s often-arcane rules and as the self-proclaimed “champion of the Constitution,” a jealous guardian of congressional power. Read the full story

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Apple’s Jerry York Dies: Replaced by Jerry Sargent


CUPERTINO, CA (GlossyNews) — Jerry York, Apple director and long-time adviser to billionaire investor Kirk Kerkorian, has died. Sources at Apple Inc broke the news on Thursday.

York joined Apple’s board of directors in 1997, a time when most consumers and analysts doubted the company’s future. Read the full story

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Famed Aviator Capt. Clarence Oveur Dead at 83


POMONA, CA (GlossyNews) — Captain Clarence Oveur, an aviation legend, has died of a heart attack. He was 83.

Oveur was one of the heroes responsible for the successful landing of distressed Trans American flight 209 to Chicago in 1980. Read the full story

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Blues Legend “Deaf Willie” Johnson Dies


HAZLEHURST, MS (GlossyNews) — Sources close to GlossyNews confirm that today one of the most influential voices in Delta Blues has gone to heaven. Or so we hope.

The oldest child of sharecroppers Sam and Thelma Johnson, “Deaf Willie” never let his disability hold him back. According to his sister, Sandra Johnson-Morgenstern, a vice president who oversees new acquisition leverage at Goldman Sachs, Willie enjoyed all forms of music from an early age, even though he couldn’t hear any of it. Read the full story

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SpaghettiOs® Creator, Donald Goerke, Chokes to Death, Uh-Oh


CAMDEN, N.J. – Donald Goerke, the man who put the “Oh” in SpaghettiOs®, choked to death Sunday night while eating his customary bedtime snack of SpaghettiOs® and chocolate milk. He was eighty-three.

Mr. Goerke joined the Campbell organization in 1955 as a market analyst. The venerable soupmaking firm had been resting on its ladles since developing a technique for removing the water and the flavor from real soup several decades before, but change was on the menu. Read the full story

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