Tag Archive | "Mummy"

John Boehner Found Mummified in Tanning Bed


Washington D.C. – Speaker of the House, John Boehner, known for his orange hue and lack of spine when it comes to politics, was found this weekend in a dried-out, mummified state inside a tanning bed at a local salon.

The Republican congressman from Ohio was found by a worker at the salon when Boehner hadn’t been seen for several hours and the employee thought they smelled something like BBQ rat smoking on a grill. Read the full story

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Scientists Declare 3,000 YO Andean Mummy “Total Hottie”


Researchers from Oregon State University announced that virtual facial reconstruction of a 3,000 year old Andean mummy revealed, “She was totally hot”.

Using the latest in digital imaging technology, “the team has concluded that she was at least an 8, maybe even a 9” the lead archeologist on the project, Dr. Brian Bryant announced this morning. “The findings are particularly surprising given that most mummies are lucky if they’re a 5, maybe a 6, tops.” Read the full story

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