In a sunrise raid in Sweden, which in fairness is about 4 hours long this time of year, UNPOL officers (not to be confused with Unipol) rescued dozens of blonde teenagers from the IKEA mines (not to be confused with ISIS, ISIL or Iain Duncan Smith) several meters from the company headquarters.

Ingvar Namewithheld was among the rescued, telling her tales of times spent stuck in the furniture mines. Read more Hundreds of Slaves Rescued from IKEA Mines in Svooolsbaaard Mountains ›