Tag Archive | "Michele Bachmann"

Michele Bachmann Introduces Revelation Act


Today Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) introduced a bill to “hasten the coming of Christ and the Revelation.” At a press conference she stated, “It seems to me as good Christians we should be doing something about the Second Coming.

This is the end times, so are we going to do anything or just talk about it? I’ll tell you. The Tea Party is the party of action. Read the full story

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Marcus Bachmann Furiously Gerrymandering Hetero Lines


Conservative icon and shockingly good dancer Marcus Bachmann is in the news again, following allegations that he had inappropriate contact with one of his “patients” at his “pray the gay away” clinic.

“Well we all know what’s straight and what isn’t,” said Davis Germaine, attorney for the victim. “But it seems he wants to redraw the lines for what is and isn’t gay in a way more favorable to him.” Read the full story

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Tea Party Winning Big on This; Opposite Day


GlossyNews.com – With incumbent truck-owning senator Scott Brown already behind in exit polls and a slew of other Tea Party favorites flagging in election results, the Tea Party is hailing big victories on this; opposite day.

“We’re really glad to see all these victories,” said Marigold Weatherby from Nearton, Massachusetts. “Scott Brown is doing great and the Tea Party express is unstoppable,” she said, adding, “woo-woo!” Read the full story

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Why Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann Could Never Be Democrats


Really I don’t understand why so many Liberals I have lots of admiration for get kinda ‘mouth foamy’ at the mention of Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann. My liberal friends seem to genuinely despise those two women. Myself, I don’t really hate anybody. Except for the guy who did that ‘Pina Colada” song; he should be water boarded. Read the full story

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Michele Bachmann Claims God Sometimes Tells Her to Say Stupid Things


Michele Bachmann appeared on CBS’s Face the Nation Sunday to cover her tracks yet again with the familiar line “Of course, that’s not what I meant to say. I was just trying to be funny.” Bachmann was trying to explain away some comments she made last month linking Hurricane Irene and the DC earthquake directly to God’s displeasure with America.

Bachmann is becoming known for her proselytizing on the campaign trail and admits it is becoming a bit of a problem.

“I know I should be able to tell when God is speaking directly through me and when he’s just trying to have a little fun,” said Bachmann. “But honestly, sometimes, as the words are coming out of my mouth I think ‘whoops, God’s pulling another fast one on me,’ but by then, it’s usually too late.”

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Bachmann Rewrites Wikipedia on The Gays


STILLWATER, MN —EBBQ Asked to respond to Jerry Brown’s earth-shaking revelation that “history should be honest,” in relation to California schools educating students about gay culture, Rep. Bachmann quickly announced that she has just recently become personally involved in rewriting the official gay page on Wikipedia, so it will be correct historically. Read the full story

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Palin Getting Passed Around Like ‘Moonshine at a Hoedown’


Fur started to fly just hours after Michele Bachmann publicly announced that Sarah Palin would be her top choice for VP in the 2012 presidential elections. This announcement came on the heels of her expected announcement to officially seek the GOP nomination for President in 2012.

When a reporter asked her, “Do you have any clue whom you might want to run alongside you if you do get the GOP nod?” Bachmann didn’t hesitate. Read the full story

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GOP Debate Recap: Non-Candidates with Non-Answers (5 of 7)


DE BATE, NEW HAMPSHIRE —BobZaguy Even if you haven’t been following our recent series, you may know that recently, seven of the leading extremists of the Tea Party Republicans masterfully debated in New Hampshire.

Two hours is a long time to have to sit and watch, even if playing buzzword bingo as a drinking game. For your convenience, Read the full story

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Can Newt Gingrich Stay Out of Trouble with Bachmann and Palin in GOP Race


In order for Newt Gingrich to be able to compete in a widening field of candidates for the GOP Presidential nomination, he’s had to come clean about his past womanizing. While no one is really buying his excuse that his passion for his country led him to act inappropriately at times, that very passion may just be his downfall again if Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin continue their individual quests for the same nomination. Read the full story

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Obama Signs New Jim Crow Bill into Law


Washington D.C. – Continuing a perfect record of being a doormat for the Neo-Fascists, President Obama signed a reverse civil rights bill into law today. Specifically, the bill addresses the ire of restaurant owners who are tired of serving pesky colored people, and gives a shot in the arm to drinking fountain and tacky sign manufacturers. Read the full story

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Jesus Declines Dinner Invite from Congresswoman Michele Bachmann


“Sorry, Michele, I’m busy that night,” was the unfortunate reply to Congresswoman, Michele Bachmann’s invitation to dinner to none other than Jesus Christ, her personal Lord and Savior. The woman from Minnesota was crushed.

“Sure, I got definite yeses from Adam, the first man, and George Washington. I even got a definite maybe from Johann Bach, whose music would make a lovely background for the pheasant dinner I’ve got planned,” said Bachmann. “But not having Jesus there, well, I’ve waited all my life for this moment and I definitely feel he’s let me down.” Read the full story

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Republican “Prayercast” Convinces Santa to Skip Obama House This Year


Malia and Sasha Obama woke up to a pretty lame Christmas morning when they discovered that Santa had not visited their house this year. Said Michelle Obama, “had Barack and I not prepared for this contingency, the girls would have had no Christmas at all. Thank goodness we had the foresight to ask what would happen if some short-minded Republican Party leaders decided to pray against a nice Christmas for our children, and we went ahead and sent over some staff members to get some Elmos and I-pods for the girls at Walmart.” Read the full story

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Scientific Weekly: Orwell’s Oceania Discovered off Coast of Washington, D.C.


Ocean Explorers have discovered what appear to be the ruins of a section of the Orwellian continent of Oceania off the Coast of Washington, D.C. Michele Bachmann is attempting to tie the discovery into her theory that Obama’s administration is eerily paralleling that of “the Party.”

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Conservative Doll Series Out in Time for Christmas


Whiskey Creek, VA – Small independently-owned doll manufacturer, Patriate Pride, has announced a new line of dolls fashioned after the ideals of two of today’s most controversial conservative figures, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. In fact, the “Michele” doll and the “Sarah” doll will be the cornerstones of the new series, “Pretty Pride.” Read the full story

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